A dazzling blue explosion struck close to Kirk's left.  Damn, Kirk
thought, they've gotten around behind us.  The shock of the blast
knocked him into the dust; his teeth ground in the gravel.  As Kirk
carefully picked himself up, phaser fire sounded from farther to the
left and for a moment there was silence.  Good one, that Raitwa, got
around behind them.  Lt. Raitwa stepped around the crater the
shock-bomb had created and walked over to the captain.

She studied her tricorder intently for a moment and spoke, "There are
what appear to be air vehicles bearing 130 mark 6."  Kirk spat several
pebbles and gingerly wiped his mouth on his sleeve. "How many?" He
crawled to the top edge of the boulders and brush currently serving as
cover, and slowing peered over.

"Hard to say at this distance, Sir.  Maybe and few as three, maybe as
many as six."

Kirk continued to study the valley before him.  "How fast are they
moving, Lieutenant?"  Kirk squinted into the direction of the
descending sun.  Somewhere amongst the distant treacherous cliffs and
jagged stone was Spock and the science party.  Off to the other
direction, moving among the thick forest and uneven terrain was the
regiment of Olivore the Strong. <EM> A tin God if one ever walked on this
ball of mud,</EM> Kirk thought.

"No more than 30 knots, Sir," Raitwa replied.  She had joined him at
the crux of the two boulders he was peering between.

This reeks of intervention, Kirk mused.  "Olivore certainly didn't
come up with this on his own," he said out loud.  They hadn't the
chance earlier for a full scan of the planet's technology and
resources, but Olivore and his court hadn't struck Kirk as the battle
technical experts they now seemed to be demonstrating themselves to
be.

"I'd need a close look at the weapons, Captain, to determine the
source,"  Raitwa stated, her intent gaze never wavering from the
valley before them.

Two short whistles were audible to their right; the signal of the
security members.  Patman and Quest came into view a moment later.

"They're trenched in all the way across that ravine there, Captain,"
Quest pointed. "We got quite close.  They have at least 4 tri-cobalt
cannons being primed over by that dark layered rock there, and they
have a party of twenty-five or so packing up for movement sunward.  We
also saw an infrared sensor.  It must not be too powerful, they didn't
seem to pick us up with it.  But after it cools in the evening it
could give us some trouble."  Both security officers shifted
restlessly while Kirk stood thoughtfully.

They're getting too close to the science party.  "Raitwa," Kirk said,
"go take the other four crew from the ridge, and head 330.  Make short
communications between each other to draw their attention.  Go 4
kilometers and circle around the foothills to the left."  Kirk glanced
down at his tricorder and continued, "Cease communications when you
turn, then resume after you are situated in a defensible position.  We
shouldn't have too long a wait for the Enterprise beyond that." He met
Lt. Raitwa's hard gaze, "Move out."

"Yes, Captain."  She started quickly up and around the side of the
hill.  Kirk turned back to surveying the valley and considering the
readout on his tricorder.

He heard the tearing sound of the phaser being removed from his belt,
and sensed the quick movement of someone darting away from his back.
He spun too late, and came up facing Patman holding a phaser on him.
"What is this?"  Kirk demanded in his best command tone.

"You underestimated us, Captain.  We are a bit disappointed in you."
Quest spoke fatally.

"Who is "us"?" Kirk demanded.

Patman began to laugh and Kirk sprung.  He caught the redshirt under
the ribcage with his shoulder and rammed him into the rock face with
full force of his mass.  Patman's head snapped back and struck a sharp
rock edge, hard.  Kirk jumped away toward Quest's last position, and
kicked blind.  His foot contacted a large thigh and he tried to
follow through with a punch but was blocked.  Off balance, Kirk hit
the ground in a roll.  He stood and faced his aggressors.  Patman was
staggering and finally fell in a heap.  Quest grinned wickedly.

"Excellent," the security officer said, "you shall be a fun one to
have to myself."  He chuckled.  Quest threw aside the phaser and began
to approach.

Kirk backed up slightly, his mind racing.  They must have been grabbed
on the scouting mission and reprogrammed somehow.

"Not even close Captain," the image before him said.  It wasn't quite
Quest anymore.  He looked larger and as he continued to approach his
form continued to alter.  Kirk's back met the cliff face.

The phasers were too far away.  In his peripheral vision, Kirk could
see the edge of the downward trail, only four meters away.  He might
be much faster than this giant.  Before he could give himself away he
leaped for the trail and a chance at escape.

Not only was Kirk slower, but the stranger began moving even before he
did, and caught him around the midsection.  Powerful arms lifted him and
tossed him back into a corner formed by the two sizable boulders.  The
alien planted himself a few steps in front of the human.  "Try again,"
the leering face taunted.  

Kirk calmed himself and leaned indifferently against the warm stone.
He tried to project dispassion in his body language and mind.  The
alien frowned with it's spikey eyebrows and accessed Kirk
thoughtfully.

"What do you want?" Kirk asked, quieter than he had intended.

Laughing, the other responded, "You...little one."

Fear tried to creep into the captain's mind and he squelched it
mercilessly.  The alien had to be two and a half meters tall and it
wore only loose pants on its patchy haired body.  Around its waist, a
wide belt with large pieces of metallic trim glinted in the sunlight.
Gods, I hope Spock and the others are all right, Kirk thought, trying
to concentrate on anything other than his predicament.

The alien, quickly boring of the stalemate, moved slowly closer.  Kirk
blanked his mind as best he could and kicked upwards, straight toward
the wide jaw.  His leg was caught in the air and held tight.  He
landed squarely on his back with the alien holding both his ankles
firmly.  Kirk began to kick and twist in an effort to free himself and
the large eyes brightened with elation.  The Human tried to quell his
frantic struggle, but the alien's eyes were staring deep into his mind
and he knew if he did not escape now he would never escape.  Escape,
yes must escape... Yes...struggle.  Oh yes, struggle little one,
struggle.

The giant figure was upon him, crushing him, and Kirk was hysterical
with motion, his back arching and feet kicking.  His wrists were now
trapped in the alien's locking hands and powerful legs were wrapped
tight around his thighs.

Finally, Kirk tired, and the other eased the grip on his limbs.  Kirk
gradually became aware of the presence of another mind touching his.
The alien laughed at his sick horror and resumed weak protests.  His
mind had never been breached by anyone but Spock and the thought of
someone he didn't completely trust delving unchecked through his
thoughts made his stomach leap in terror.

His arms were trapped to his sides when the alien embraced him tightly
and he could no longer move at all.  The other mind pressed farther
into his.  Kirk clenched his jaw for fear of screaming when for two
eternal breaths it felt as if his very soul would be sucked from his
body and devoured.

The weight was suddenly off of him, leaving him gasping and digging
hard in the solid reality of the ground with convulsing fingers.

"Is this better Captain?"  Kirk pried open his eyes and it was no
longer the strange alien, but Spock bearing down on him.

No, God damn you!  Kirk thought, Don't do this.  Don't...

Powerful fingers wrapped around his face and sank into his skull.
Burning fingers splitting wide his mind.  He closed his eyes to block
out the vision of his first officer.  Reality went askew as the
bloody tendrils snaked through his mind hungrily, feeding on his fear.
He screamed so loud it hurt his own ears and until the scream was
joined by another wail, so shrill and skull piercing, it sent him into
unconsciousness.


Sounds began filtering down through the haze of senselessness.
". . . maybe if you'd have taken the chance of getting Jim out of the
way first. . .  Doctor, not even I could risk approaching for
fear of being controlled. . .  well I hope he comes out of this
soon. . ."  His ears were muffled by some strange material and he
couldn't seem to comprehend the meaning behind the words he could make
out.  With a surge of adrenaline he shot upright screaming, ripping at
the material binding his head.

"Jim, no!"

Bones?  He opened his eyes.  Spock. . . no!  He struck out in a fury,
and again his wrists were caught and a bodily weight pressed him down.
"No, please. . . no."

McCoy was quick with the hypo and Kirk collapsed, helpless against the
diagnostic bed.  Spock did not immediately release his captain.
"Spock, it's all right now."  McCoy urged, squeezing a taut Vulcan
shoulder from behind.  Spock sat up and turned vulnerable eyes to the
doctor and then quickly to the floor.  The doctor re-wrapped the
padding over Kirk's injured ears and studied the monitor a moment.
Then after retrieving a kit from a nearby table, came back.

"Sit over here, Spock," he said gently, leading the Vulcan to the next
bed.  "Let me take a look at that jaw."  A trail of green led from
Spock's split lip and a bruise was rapidly darkening on the edge of
his jaw where Kirk had struck before he was restrained.

"I was not fast enough," he stated to the wall as McCoy gingerly
applied medication to the area of the bruise.

Kirk tossed restlessly on the bed.

"I think I'll strap him down," McCoy said, moving away from Spock to
attach the security restraints.  Spock followed him over and sat
rigid on the edge of Kirk's bed instead.  McCoy walked to the other
side of the room to put the kit away.  Looking back at the lean figure
at the captain's side, the doctor wondered if he looked as awful as
the Vulcan did.  "Spock," McCoy said.  The other looked up.  "Do you
want me to sit with him while you get some rest?"  McCoy knew the
answer to this question already, but couldn't find any other way of
conveying comfort.  The Vulcan only shook his head once in reply.
McCoy sat down at the terminal and continued working on his reports.

The drugs wore off and Kirk again returned to consciousness.  This
time with a quick jerk against the restraints.

"Jim," McCoy soothed, "it's okay, you're safe now."  He massaged a
tense arm.  The compact form gradually relaxed and Kirk opened his
eyes to see his first officer and the doctor.  Spock was looking down
and slightly away.

"Spock?"  Kirk forced past a dry mouth.  The Vulcan met the anxious
gaze and was rewarded by a small smile and the sight of his captain
falling calmly asleep.

McCoy undid the restraints and made Spock lie down on the other bed.
After checking both indicators, he too went to sleep on the couch in
his office.

Spock was awakened by movement nearby.  He was immediately up and at
the restive Kirk's bedside.  He started to grab for the wrists of his
fitful captain, but the pleading voice, <EM>No please. . . no,</EM> replayed
through the Vulcan's mind and made an area just below his ribcage ache
agonizingly.  Not willing to spare the time to analyze the illogical
reaction at that moment, Spock filed the conditions and results away
for later meditation.  He settled for placing one hand lightly on the
human's shoulder and calling his name softly.

Kirk calmed and woke up to the concerned gaze of his friend.  How
could the ruse of him hurting me ever frighten me?  Kirk wondered,
smiling reassuringly at his friend.

Spock sat back and reluctantly let go.  Kirk sat up as a very
exhausted-looking McCoy entered the room and ran a scanner over his
captain.  Kirk sat still for less than thirty seconds.  "Is someone
going to tell me what happened?" he asked impatiently.

McCoy looked at Spock expectantly and leaned against the adjacent bed.

Spock sat up straight in his typical manner of delivering reports and
began. "It was just after the fighting had begun in full and you had
taken security with you to draw attention from the science team, that
we received a weak communication from Olivore."  Kirks eyes widened at
this, and Spock quickly went on. "Olivore had never left his property
that morning, we just assumed it was he who launched the attack
against the landing party.  He and his people were as much victims as
we were.  The aliens, whoever and whatever they were, had taken
control away from Olivore and his top advisors some weeks before.
Olivore said that it seemed they were simply playing with their lives.

"While the attention of the aliens was diverted, Olivore was free to
put things back in order at the council.  There were originally five
aliens, Olivore and his people had managed to destroy two, and badly
injure a third.  He gave us the information that allowed us to rescue
you."

"How?" Kirk interrupted.

"An amplified hypersonic pulse."

At the reminder, McCoy proceeded to closely examine Kirk's ears.  "We
have no idea who they were, huh?"  Kirk frowned, remembering.  "What
happened to Patman and Quest?"

McCoy replied, "You gave Patman quite a blow to the head,and Quest
was captured by Olivore's troops.  We got him back mostly unharmed."

Kirk sat back wearily--his eyes threatened to drift closed.

"Patman does not recall any of what occurred after they were ambushed
near the camp of Olivore's troops,"  Spock commented.

McCoy looked at the haggard captain and then at the readings above the
headboard.  "Spock, Jim should rest," he whispered, motioning toward
the door.

The Vulcan nodded and stood for a moment looking down at his captain.
"I shall be on the bridge," he stated quietly to the doctor and
departed.

The murmured interchange between his friends was comforting to Kirk,
who opened his eyes to find McCoy fussing at his bandages.  The events
of yesterday were coming back in a strange disjointed haze, unreal.
"Bones?"  McCoy paused in his ministrations, and Kirk continued, "Was
I raped?"

McCoy's eyebrows came together and he resumed treating Kirk's right
ear.  "Mentally, yes.  At least that's what Spock called it."

"Not physically?" Kirk asked, concentrating hard on murky memories.

McCoy stopped again and looked Kirk hard in the eyes. "Do you think
you were?"

"I don't know what I think."  Kirk rubbed his eyes with the heels of
his hands.  "I thought. . . I don't know."  McCoy scanned him slowly
with the secondary unit hooked up.

"You don't show any signs of it," McCoy said slowly, intently watching
Kirk's reaction.

Removing his hands, Kirk said, "The way he was mucking around in my
mind I guess he could have made me believe anything. . . the bastard."

McCoy assumed his fatherly attitude and sat closer to Kirk on the bed.
"Go on. . . you're doing fine."  When Kirk added nothing, McCoy said,
"There's more isn't there?"

"What in the hell do you want me to say?"  Kirk spat, suddenly very
angry and not sure why.

"Well for starters, it shouldn't have come as a shock to you to find
your green-blooded shadow at your bedside when you came around.  But
you sure did lay into him when you saw him.  Not as if you didn't
recognize him--you practically shouted his name."  He watched the
other face intently, a sort of cold horror came into the other's eyes.
"What is it Jim?"  McCoy asked.

Kirk turned away, eyes closed, letting the memory wash through him.
The doctor watched him shudder and regretted pushing him so early.
Still turned away he spoke in a tight voice, "The bastard made himself
appear as Spock when he raped my  . . mind."  

The McCoy noted the hesitation. "You seemed to get over it fast enough."

Kirk tilted his head back toward the doctor, "Well, it is Spock were
talking about here; someone I trust more than myself."

"I seem to remember an occasion when Spock was out of control and hurt
you quite badly."  

Kirk's eyes flashed anger, "That was different, and you know it.  And
don't you ever dare use that against him.  Against me for making the
situation worse, but never against him." Kirk's gaze narrowed to
accent the point.

Such protective emotion, McCoy thought, overcompensation perhaps for
uneasiness he may be feeling?  "Even I wouldn't reopen a wound like
that, Jim.  How callous do you think I am?"

"Sometimes I don't know.  You can be really hard on him at times."

McCoy straightened the blankets over Kirk, "Well I promise to be
easier on our detached friend, if you promise to go back to sleep.
You probably won't need to spend another night here if you check out
all right in ten hours."  Kirk promised to go to sleep, and the doctor
left the room.

Kirk had spent the next night in his quarters and despite McCoy's
potions, hadn't slept a wink.  He'd sat up all night. . . remembering.
Murky memories of the crushing weight and relentless mind probe.  The
night left him with the unshakable feeling that his own mind was not
to be entirely trusted.  Shift was uneventful.  Kirk spent most of the
eight hours in the command chair, staring into the viewing screen.  A
few times he turned to the science station to find his science officer
watching him unguardedly.  He would just smile reassuringly at the
Vulcan and turn back to his musings.

Kirk left the bridge immediately after duty and went to his cabin to
rest.  Lack of sleep had been wearing on him the entire shift and all
he could think about was hitting the pillow at the first opportunity.

The door buzzer sounded.  Kirk sighed and reached over to trigger the
door release. Spock strode in, saw Kirk on the bed, and an overtone of
concern tainted his eyes.  "Captain."  He stood at the foot of the
bed.

"Hi, Spock.  What can I do for you?"  He tried to sound undistraught
and could hear that he was not succeeding entirely.  

The Vulcan moved to stand beside the bed, hands clasped behind his
back.  "How are you feeling Captain. . . Jim?"  Every time Spock used
his first name, Kirk's heart softened toward the Vulcan just a little
more.  

"I don't know, Spock. I wish I did."  Looking up at Spock from
such a vulnerable position was making a butterfly dance in his
abdomen. Kirk swung his legs off the bed and stood up.  Exhaustion
threatened to pull him back to the bed, so he settled for the chair at
his desk.  

Spock watched this inner battle occur, and concluded incorrectly that
Kirk was loath to appear weak in front of him, although the Human now
slumped miserably across his desk.  Kirk sat back finally and regarded
him soberly.  "I'm having trouble understanding what happened to me,
so I can't seem to cope with it."  Spock's gaze flickered confusion.
"I know what happened.  I just don't understand how.  I don't
comprehend how my own mind works, let alone how someone else can
invade it and control it."  He tried to keep his eyes from pleading as
they looked to the Vulcan.  "I just know my mind isn't functioning
correctly.  Concentrating is difficult at times, I don't know how to
describe it."  The Vulcan was regarding him silently.  Kirk spoke
again, "Do you understand?"  Spock nodded.  

Kirk looked away from the penetrating gaze, and rested his forehead on
his crossed arms.  "I don't know how I can ask this of you.  I can't
bear to cause you the pain I know you must suffer when. . . "  Kirk
stopped and looked sideways at his friend; he might be getting too
personal.  Spock's gaze was very intense.  "Do you think you can help
me?"  There he had said it, it was up to the Vulcan now.  

"It is quite possible."  Spock moved a chair to sit beside him, facing
him.  They sat in silence for several moments until Kirk spoke, "Would
you?"

No waivering. "Of course."  Kirk waited for the Vulcan to take the
lead.  Spock merely sat regarding him, managing somehow to look
unassuming.

He is waiting for me.  Kirk realized, He can not endure threatening me
so he is waiting, insisting that I take control.  "Spock," Kirk took
the nearest graceful hand between his own two.  The action registered
only in the other's eyes.  They are so expressive, I don't know how
anyone could overlook it.  "I trust you, my friend," Kirk stated,
lifting the hand so the palm pressed against his right cheek.  

Spock visibly relaxed and placed his other hand in the position for a
meld.  "Jim, if you experience any uncertainty that I do not sense,
just speak and I will cease."  Spock slipped his left hand from Kirk's
grasp and placed it behind the Human's neck.  "This meld will be very
brief and shallow--I simply wish to assess the condition of your
mind."  Kirk closed his eyes and allowed the hand on his neck to
support his head.  The first gentle mind touch was a splash of
freezing water and he jerked his head suddenly trying to dislodge the
invading hands.  Kirk fought the panic gripping his chest.

Spock withdrew his mind.  "I'm sorry, Spock," Kirk said without
opening his eyes. Why could't he trust him?  "So sorry."  His voice
broke.

Fingers began lightly tracing the ridge of his brow, the curve of his
cheek, smoothing away the lines of negative emotion.  "That feels
nice," Kirk whispered.  The need to be closer to his friend, grew to a
physical ache.  Before the impulse could pass and better sense
intrude, he leaned into the strong Vulcan frame, resting his cheek on
a solid shoulder.  He held his breath, waiting for Spock's response.
The caress shifted to the hairline at the back of his neck.  How can
such a simple touch turn me to jelly like this?  

"I would never harm you, Jim," the words were spoken so softly Kirk
almost didn't perceive them.  His heart ached at the words and the
soft sound of the Vulcan's voice.

The closeness of his friend began to have an affect on Spock.  Like
the unexplainable pain under his ribs the previous morning when Kirk
was distressed, this too had no logical basis.  A flood of emotional
responses seemed to be rioting for his attention just beyond his
mental control.  The implications of this and the effort required to
maintain his control, made him tremble.

"Are you all right?"  Kirk's voice asked from his shoulder.

"Yes.  It is all the emotion."

Kirk pulled away to look him in the face, "My emotions are
overwhelming you?"

Spock closed his eyes briefly, "No.  They seem to be my emotions."  He
opened his eyes to Kirk's surprised expression.

"I didn't know I could have such an effect on you."  

Spock sighed and shook his head, "Nor did I."  Kirk pulled out of his
arms, and Spock said quickly, "Jim, if you are more comfortable. . . "

"I'm not hurting you?"  Kirk asked.

An eyebrow shot up, "Certainly not."  

Kirk considered this a moment before pulling completely away, "I'm all
right."  The warm hand on his shoulder moved to the back of his neck
and massaged softly.  He closed his eyes and silently absorbed the
sensation.  "Would you try again?" he asked.

"Of course, Jim."  Spock took a deep breath and released it slowly.
"Can you open your mind for me?"  He put his free hand around the
human's right wrist.

Kirk tried, easing his thoughts back from the surface of his mind,
relaxing the hold on his consciousness.  It hurt.  He could feel the
fingers of the alien sinking into his head, the crushing weight on his
chest.  He tried unsuccessfully to shake it.  The memories flowed,
unbidden.  The events of two days ago played before Spock's minds-eye.
The moment approached when the alien had again changed its appearance,
and Kirk tried to pull away from his hands.

"No Jim, let me help," Spock said, holding him fast.  The image of the
Vulcan bearing down on Kirk came to Spock's mind.  Kirk flinched.
Spock spoke soothingly, "I'm sorry Jim, I had not realized."  The rest
of the memory came in a jumbled rush.  Exhausted, Kirk leaned heavily
into the Vulcan in respite.

He spoke into the blue shirt, "You could probably enter my mind
unhampered at the moment, I don't really seem to care."

"No, Jim.  You must care."  Spock thought this better continued after
Kirk rested.  He turned in Kirk's embrace to free his left arm.  This
he slid under the human's knees and lifted the relaxed form.

As he set his burden down on the bed, Kirk murmured a "Thank you, my
friend," and raised his eyelids far enough to regard the Vulcan
warmly.  Spock bent to remove his captain's boots and then sat on the
bed next to him.  He found himself running the backs of the fingers of
one hand across the Human's cheek.  Why is it so easy to touch him?
Spock wondered.

Kirk's eyes drifted closed. "I'm honored that you are so comfortable
with me."  He flowed with the sensations for a while, then easing his
mind open, waited for the Vulcan to accept the invitation.  He felt
the other mind slide easily into his, and gasped.  There was no panic
or fear, only the pain of a wound reopened.  He could feel Spock's
regret at this.  Kirk relaxed as far as he could, and waited while the
Vulcan traversed the periphery of his consciousness.

The ethereal examination ended and Spock gently extracted his mind
from his captain's.  Kirk's expectant eyes waited for his assessment.
"Your mind has done a great deal of healing on its own already, but
what remains may be beyond your subconscious ability.  I believe I can
help you.  A healer definitely could--if you wish I can arrange one."

Kirk looked at him closely. Did Spock not want to deal with this
himself?  Kirk tried to picture himself allowing his mind to a
stranger, even a healer.  It didn't make him feel very good.

Spock saw the uncertainty and understood.  "I do wish to help you,
Jim."  He waited until the other met his gaze.  "It would be difficult
for me to allow another to care for you.  But I am not a healer, I
cannot prevent you from experiencing pain, as you just did."

Kirk watched the dark eyes.  "There is some risk involved for you,
isn't there?  Because you aren't a trained healer?"

"The risk is greatly reduced since I am familiar with your mind."

Kirk knew he should make a decision but was having difficulty
thinking at all.  "I need to sleep on this, Spock,"  he said finally,
the idea of Spock sacrificing his mental integrity for him warring
with the image of himself submitting to some unfamiliar healer.

Spock nodded, stood quietly a moment visually examining him, and then
departed.  Kirk was too tired even to put forth the effort of saying
"good night."

Kirk looked much better the following morning as Spock observed him
exiting his quarters.  The captain smiled when he saw the Vulcan. "Good
morning Science Officer."  

"Sir." Spock nodded, falling in step with his captain as they headed
for the lift.  "I trust you slept well."

"Yes, thanks to you."  Kirk instructed the lift computer to take them
to the bridge.  "Would you care for a game of chess tonight?"

"Certainly, Captain."  Spock relaxed, it seemed Jim would recover
quite nicely with a little time and emotional assistance.  They
stepped onto the bustling bridge together and separated to go to
their stations.

"Doctor McCoy?"  Uhura's clear voice issued through the intercom.
McCoy looked past the lab report he was studying and pressed a button
next to his terminal.  "McCoy here, what is it darlin'?"  

The image of Lt. Uhura shaking her head and smiling tolerantly
appeared on the screen.  "There is a response for you from Admiral
Baxter on the reports filed on the last mission."

"Send it on through please, Uhura," McCoy said, putting aside the
report tablet.  Doctor McCoy read the message through twice and leaned
back in his chair. "Damn," he said to himself.  After a moment's
thought, he sent a message to the science station terminal asking
Spock to see him in sickbay at the end of shift.

The Vulcan was punctual as usual, striding into McCoy's office at
precisely three and a quarter minutes after shift.  

"What can I do for you, Doctor?"

"Sit down Spock." McCoy waved a hand at the chair opposite himself.
"I got a message from Baxter at command.  They don't seem to like the
idea of Jim being in command for any length of time after what
happened on Regal Triad.  They want to run a full Vanderschok Scan on
him at Starbase Nine."

Spock eyes widened. "That could very well be harder on him than the
original attack."  

McCoy sat down also. "Do you think so?  I know those tests are
supposed to be rough, but I didn't think they were that extreme."

"They are, Doctor."  Spock met the doctor's gaze solidly over his
steepled fingers.

Realization shown in McCoy's eyes. "That's right, you had those tests
once."

"Indeed, before my first starship assignment.  At the time, I was the
only Vulcan-Human hybrid in existence--Starfleet was concerned about
my mental integrity."

McCoy allowed a small amount of sympathy to be revealed in his eyes,
"How bad were they?"

"Quite."  

The doctor sat back. "I can't imagine Jim is ready for it."

"He is not."  

McCoy looked at him sharply.  "How are you so certain?"

Spock appeared somewhat uncomfortable. "Last night, at the captain's
request, I evaluated his mind.  He has recovered a great deal, but key
parts of his ego have not had time to ameliorate completely."  He
paused then added, "I do not believe the Vanderschok has changed
significantly since my experience with it."  

McCoy cursed softly.

Spock spoke again. "Perhaps this would be more profitably discussed in
the captain's presence."  

McCoy activated the intercom and paged the captain.  They sat in
silence, McCoy silently damning machines and the buerocratic system,
and Spock concentrating deeply on what he knew he must attempt to do
for his captain.

The object of speculation strode into McCoy's office and immediately
sensing the brooding atmosphere, took a seat.

"How are you feeling, Jim?"  McCoy asked.  

Kirk looked from one to the other of his friends.  Spock seemed to
avoid his eyes, and McCoy's eyes seemed bluer then usual as they
drilled into his own.

"I'll be fine, Bones."  McCoy passed him Baxter's message.  Kirk's
eyebrows furrowed as he read. "I can't say I'm pleased, but it
shouldn't be that bad."

McCoy looked at the Vulcan studying the captain. "Jim, Spock
thinks. . . no, knows it will be."  Kirk turned to his first officer's
concerned gaze.  "Spock has been through this before," McCoy added.

Kirk stood up.  "Well, there's not much we can do about it is there?"
he snapped.  "I'll manage."

McCoy carefully continued, "Spock doesn't seem to think you are ready
for it."

Kirk turned narrow eyes to the Vulcan. "I didn't know you were the
type to kiss and tell, Spock," he stated harshly.  Both slanted
eyebrows shot up.  "I think I can take care of myself for once without
you two holding my hands."  He headed for the door.  "If you gentlemen
will excuse me, I have work to do."

McCoy proceeded to pour himself a glass of dragon juice.  "You want to
tell me what happened last night?"

Spock glanced up and thought a moment. "We certainly did not kiss."

"I sort of guessed that.  Anything else?"  

"No." Or did something happen?  "I do not understand why he would be
angry over my informing you that I examined his mind."

McCoy poured and pushed a glass of juice towards Spock.  "He isn't
angry with you, exactly.  He's angry at having been made helpless in a
way he can't understand.  He's angry at command for not trusting him,
and maybe at us for not trusting him either."  The doctor sighed. "I
just wish he had time for his own course of recovery to run."

Spock drained the glass, and stood.

"What are you going to do?"  McCoy asked, standing also.

"What I must, Doctor."  

"Which is?"  McCoy prodded, standing in front of Spock in the path to
the door.  

"Ask him to allow me to help him to heal his mind."

McCoy put a restraining hand on the Vulcan's arm, "That's not a good
idea right now Spock--he wasn't happy with you just now."

"We haven't the time to wait, Doctor.  If he goes under the scan with
my mental imprints throughout his mind, he will be just as bad off as
he would without any help at all.  He will need the three days to
reassert his own mental structure."  Spock began to pull out of the
doctor's grasp.  McCoy tightened his grip.

"This is a pretty serious meld we're talking about here."

"Indeed, Doctor, it would be best if we were not disturbed."  Spock
stared McCoy down until he released his arm.

"Jim might not let you do this, you know." 

Spock's gaze moved to a point beyond the hull of the ship.  "I hope
that is not the case, but we can lose nothing by my asking."

Spock felt very uncertain as he headed towards the captain's quarters.
The door opened immediately when he buzzed.  Kirk was at his desk
working on reports. He did not look up.  Taking the seat across the
desk, Spock steepled his fingers in front of himself and waited.

Kirk's keying slowed, then stopped, but he continued to stare at the
terminal.  Kirk finally looked up. "Well?"

"There is not the time or opportunity to reach a healer."  

Kirk's eyes blazed, "And just because I let you come in here last
night and do whatever you wanted with me, doesn't mean. . ."  Kirk
mentally slapped himself. The bastard's dead and I'm still letting him
win.  "I'm sorry Spock, I didn't mean that."

"I know."  Do I know?  "This is your decision, Captain.  If you wish,
I will leave.  Or if you wish, I will do all I can to help you heal
your mind."

Kirk freed the breath he was holding.  "I don't have much choice, do
I?"  Spock shook his head.  "Are you sure you're up to this?"  Kirk
asked.

"Affirmative."  Spock stood up and walked behind Kirk's chair.  "Are
you comfortable?"  Spock inquired, placing has hands on Kirk's
shoulders.  Spock's hands felt hot through Kirk's uniform.

"As much as I'll ever be.  I just hate being forced into things out of
my control."

"That is a reasonable attitude."  Spock's hands slid up to rest on the
sides of Kirk's face.  "It will take a few moments for me to prepare.
Close your eyes, relax, and try to open your mind to me."  Kirk did
so.  There was almost no fear this time, only regret.

"Spock, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean what I said."

"You are forgiven," Spock murmured.  

The edges of their minds blended, like the moon merging with the sun
during an eclipse.  Spock continued inward, slowly, until the intimacy
caused Kirk to suddenly gasp for air.  Spock eased off a little and
waited while the other became accustomed to the union.

//Jim?// Spock projected softly inward.  //Can you sense me?//

//Yes,// came the reply.

//Try to focus your thoughts.//

//How?// 

//Concentrate on one thing.// 

//On you?//

//Yes, that would be appropriate.//

//You seem to be coming from all around.//

//Not quite.  Try to see me.// 

//See you?// 

//Yes, the same way you are hearing me with your mind.//

//I don't see how, Spock.  I'm sorry.  Can't you show me how?//

//I dare not merge our minds to such an extent, the impression it
would leave on your thoughts would be apparent to the Vanderschock
Scan.  Relax, Jim.  Concentrate on me and let go. I will help.//

Kirk's sense of his body slipped away, he wanted to grab for it, but
restrained himself.  His consciousness seemed to be imploding and
falling away within his body.

//Spock!// 

//Jim, it's all right.  I'm here with you.  You are doing fine.  Can
you sense me?//

//I don't know.  I seem to feel warmer on one side than the other, but
I don't really feel my body at all.//

//Good Jim, that is me.  Now imagine yourself.  Imagine your body and
how it feels.// 

//Okay.// 

//Now open your eyes.// Spock sounded amused.  Kirk obeyed, even
though he didn't seem to have any eyes to open.  Part of him felt warm
because it was pressed against a dark-robed Spock.  He gazed around.
There was nothing, only them.  He was lying half across Spock.  He
looked down. There was no floor and they began to fall.

//Jim, there is a floor.// Immediately they were again sitting still.
//We are in your mind, and you must accept the illusion your mind has
created.//

//I don't understand.// Kirk pulled away from the folds of the thick
robe.  His uniform was of spun gold, and glowed of its own light, as
did his eyes.  He studied Spock in his long black robe a second and
said, a bit disappointedly, //You don't think of yourself as my
science officer?// 

//At the moment I am in a meditative robe--it is less distracting.// 

Kirk scrutinized himself, //What am I?// 

//A representation of all that is you that is non-physical.//

//My soul?//

//"Katra" would be a more appropriate term.  Your culture assigns the
term "soul" to something with all the importance of an appendix.//

//This is probably third-grade material to a Vulcan.// 

The corner of Spock's mouth twitched, //A bit earlier than that.  It
is the first form taught, for obvious reasons.  It is restrictive, but
will serve our purpose nicely.//

//What are we going to do?// 

//If your physical projection is accurate in all ways, it will have a
representation of the damage caused on Regal Triad.//

Kirk glanced down at his sitting figure.  //I don't see any injury.//

Spock moved in close, took Kirk's face in his hands, and gazed deep
into his eyes, //Why is there a blood stain on your shirt?// Spock let
go and Kirk looked down.  Running through the fine gold filaments of
his uniform, in the center of his chest, was an uneven stain of
crimson.

//That wasn't there before.// Kirk said.

//Yes, it was.  You just did not know to look for it.  Your clothing
here represents the shell you keep around yourself at all times.  The
outward manifestation of your ego.  There is pain also.//

//There is?// Spock nodded, //Search for it.  You will find it.//

Kirk reached inward, thinking about his chest, and bracing
himself for the pain.  He found it.  It was a deep throbbing ache, but
not as bad as he had expected.  The Human's clenched jaw was evidence
of his success with the exercise.  //What now?// he asked.  

Spock's dark eye's glittered, //We heal the wound.//

Spock regarded the Human sitting across from him in silence.  //Can
you remove your shirt?//

Kirk undid the zipper at the neck.  It felt very odd.  Reaching down
and grabbing the material at the bottom, he began to lift upward.
That felt even stranger.  Realization struck him.  //It's more than
just a shirt.// 

//That is correct.// Spock moved until he was sitting on his heels
directly in front of the other.  //Can you manage?//

Kirk
pulled upward again.  His hands didn't move far.  They froze and
refused to move farther.  //I can't.  Can you help?// 

Spock took hold of the material.  //Let go.// Kirk obeyed.  Spock
pulled the material over the other's head in a smooth motion.  Kirk's
arms instantly wrapped around his own abdomen in a protective gesture.
He shivered violently, //It's cold.//

Turning the Human's face towards him, Spock said, //It is not cold,
your mind is assigning the sensation as "cold" because it does not
know what it is.  It is a form of vulnerability you have never before
experienced.  Concentrate on your trust in me, and the discomfort
should ease.// A few breathes later, Kirk relaxed.

//Look down,// Spock instructed, pointing at the now bare chest.  A
deep ragged wound was gouged down the center of his ribcage.  Spock
indicated the uneven flesh surrounding the injury.  //Notice the scar
tissue from your own healing.// The scar tissue was pretty extensive.

//The damage was that bad initially?// 

Spock nodded.  

//How do I heal this?//

//You don't.  It would take years to teach you how.  I will do it.//
Spock steepled his fingers in front of himself and closed his eyes.
//We must be very careful here.//

//What do you mean?// 

//These are our katras, Jim, and I am a Vulcan.  This is the way
Vulcans bond with each other.// Spock opened his eyes.  Kirk swallowed
hard.  //Lie back, Jim.//

//Lie back?// 

//Yes, lie back on the soft pillows behind you.// Kirk did so.  The
pillows were very soft.  Spock sat next to him, looking down.  //You
must remain completely passive.  As long as I control my mind, we will
remain separate entities.//

//I'm getting nervous.//

Spock smiled slightly, //I can tell.  Just trust me Jim.//

Kirk took a deep breath, or imagined he did.  Spock's hand hovered
over his chest.  

//This will hurt, Jim.  I wish I could spare you, but
I haven't the skill.// Kirk closed his eyes.  //Jim, you must watch.//
Kirk's eyes opened and followed the approach of Spock's hand.  He
didn't want it to hurt, and part of him didn't want Spock touching the
wound at all.  Spock barely brushed the skin, then pulled his hand
back.  //Passive, Jim.  You are trying to control the situation.//

//Not intentionally.// 

//Do you trust me?// 

//Of course Spock.//

//With your life?// 

//Yes.// 

//With your soul?// 

//Yes.// 

Spock thought for a moment, and exhaled audibly.  //I'm sorry for this
Jim, but it is the only way I can see of doing this safely.  Your ego
is too strong for me to manage.  You must have it under control.//

//I'll try to do whatever you ask.//

//Lie back.// 

Kirk hadn't even realized he had sat up.  He obeyed instantly.

//Put your hands over your
head.//

Kirk again obeyed.  Spock grabbed both wrists securely with
his left hand.  He stared intensely into Kirk's eyes, //You must
submit to me.// Spock stated solemnly.  

A number of different things
flashed, unbidden, through Kirk's mind.  

Spock's eyes widened, //Jim,
I would never harm you, nor violate you.  Please trust me.// 

//I know,
and I do trust you.//

//Submit to me.// 

//I don't understand.// 

//If it helps you to think about it in a sexual context, that will
suffice.// Kirk nodded, even though he wasn't certain he could manage.
He was starting to feel dead tired.  //Submit to me.// Spock repeated
firmly.  

Kirk struggled mentally for something, then finally settled
for imagining himself naked and prone for the Vulcan.  

//Submit to
me.// 

Kirk imagined himself yearning bodily for the Vulcan.  Spock's
right hand contacted his chest and sunk into it as if it were clay.
Long moments passed as Spock's hand moved along the path of the wound
and the pain built into a searing burn like nothing he had ever
experienced.  He groped for Spock through the blinding agony.

//Submit.// 

//Spock!// Kirk could feel sanity ebbing.  He began to
perceive his friend through the haze.  

//You belong to me.// The image
of his friend was superimposed with that of the alien's.  //You are
mine,// the apparition stated.  

//No.// Kirk thought, confused.

//Submit!// 

Kirk panicked, //No!// he screamed with all his being.
The pain ebbed away and Kirk collapsed.  The projections dissolved,
and Spock gathered both their energies and moved back to the edge of
Kirk's consciousness.  Once there, he gently roused the other.  Kirk
came to awareness, only to be overwhelmed by a myriad of sensations
with nothing to base them on. 

//Spock?// 

//I am right here as is your body, can you feel it?// 

Kirk wiggled toes and fingers, and
seemed to get the correct signals in return.  //Are we finished?//

"Yes," Spock said verbally.  Kirk stretched his stiff muscles, and
turned a thoughtful gaze at Spock.  

"I understand."  Kirk said, "You
needed me to fear you at the critical moment, so there would be no
chance of our merging."  Spock nodded, not meeting Kirk's gaze.  

"And
your submittance to allow me to reach into your inner mind and heal it
without contest.  

"That must have been hell for you."  Kirk commented,
studying the exhausted figure leaning on the back of the chair.  

"I
will recover."  Kirk wondered how Spock was still standing.  "Can you
make it back to your quarters?"  He moved to give him a hand.

"Affirmative."  He looked carefully at Kirk, "Do you feel all right,
Captain?  Does your head hurt at all?"  

He grinned, "No, Spock.  I
feel great, just very tired.  Thank you so much."  He squeezed Spock's
upper arms to accent the point.  "That was quite an experience. I'm
sorry I couldn't help more."  He studied the weary figure closely.
Spock was uncharacteristically bent out of his normal ramrod
posture. "I hope you aren't hurting too badly."  

Spock shook his head,
and mirrored Kirk's smile ever so slightly.  It had been quite an
experience.  Deeply melding with Kirk eased the yearning he felt since
the severing of his bond to T'Pring almost a cycle ago.  

"I don't know
about you, but I'm going to crash now."  Kirk sat on the bed and began
to remove his boots.  

"Sleep is best for you now; your mind will
recover more rapidly."  Spock paused as he headed for the bath, and
the connecting door.  "Doctor McCoy will most likely come and check on
you soon.  And I will probably check on you during the night without
waking you."  

"All right my friend."  Kirk was removing his shirt.  He
glanced up at the Vulcan and smiled, "I don't think I need help this
time."  

Spock decided to take the bait, "Are you quite certain,
Captain?"  

Kirk was too tired even for this game, "Good night,
Commander."  

"Good night, Captain.  If you have any difficulty,
especially remaining asleep, do not hesitate to call me."  

"I won't."

Spock entered his own bath through their private interconnect.  After
showering and changing into a soft robe, he settled into meditation.
The meld replayed through his mind, along with his reactions to Kirk's
mental presence.  He considered his reactions carefully.  Kirk's mind
was indeed an experience.


The Enterprise sailed into Starbase Nine on schedule, and her Captain
stalled as long as possible before going ashore.  The transporter let
him go and Trynolid born Base Commander Horn stepped up to greet him.

"Howdy, Jim.  You're looking fine as ever."  

"Good to see you Douglis.
Wish I could say I was glad to be here."  Kirk stepped down and headed
for the door.  Horn followed. 

"Heah, heah.  Yeah I suppose you'd
probably prefer a good case of Symbalene Blood Burn."  They entered a
lift.  "They're all ready for you down in the lab."  

The lab, Kirk
thought, as in "lab rat."  

Too soon, they were at the door to the
neuralotic lab.  Kirk could see Baxter and three technicians waiting
inside.  

"Come up to my office when you're through, and we'll go have
a drink."  

Kirk nodded and mumbled a thanks.  He really did not like
this.  Spock assured him that there would be no evidence of their meld
after this much time, but Kirk was worried.  He forced it out of his
thoughts as he walked forward.  

"Nice to see you could make it, Captain,"
Admiral Baxter said compulsively looking at his wrist-crono.  "Please
remove your shirt and be seated," the lead technician said.  Tossing
his shirt aside, Kirk sat down in the reclining chair and tried to
relax.  

"Retinal scan," one of the techs said, and the familiar light
passed over his eye.  Electrodes and sensors were attached across his
chest and forehead, and a small device like a headset was placed on
him.  "Restraints," another said, and Kirk jumped alert as soft straps
were secured around his waist, ankles, and wrists.  

Baxter spoke when
he noticed Kirk's expression. "Just a precaution."  

Kirk forced
himself to relax more, just to spite the Admiral.  He also thought he
now knew what Spock felt like going under the Klingon's mind-sifter.

"Power," said a voice.  "All status lights green, all recorders
functioning."  "Serum."  a hypo hissed on his neck.  

The walls began
to melt, as did Baxter's face.  "Can you hear me, Kirk?"  came
Baxter's voice.  

Kirk nodded.  "So this is your toy," he said aloud.
He had intended only to think it.  The truth serum was apparently
working.  "You really are a bastard."  Kirk laughed, this was really
quite funny.  The machine wouldn't let him stop talking, and the serum
wouldn't let him stop thinking. If only Baxter would give him enough
time to let him say what he really thought of him.  

Baxter evidently
didn't care what Kirk thought of him.  He began, "We are on Regal
Triad, it is 3725,9.  You have encountered an unknown alien life form,
describe it."  The alien again stood before Kirk.  The captain blinked
and tried to clear his vision, but the lab had disappeared and Regal
Triad spread out before him.  

Kirk launched into a detailed
description of the figure in front of him until Baxter's voice said,
"Switch viopsy recorder on."  A hairthin laser beam seemed to burn a
hole clean through from temple to temple.  He could hear himself cry
out, and he was shaking his head to try to free it.  

"Restraints!"
Baxter's voice shouted and Kirk couldn't move his head at all.  "You
are not being harmed in any way," Baxter's voice said.  "The sensation
is all in your mind."  

"Fuck you," Kirk heard himself say, and would
have laughed again if it didn't hurt so bad.  

"What is the alien
doing?"  Baxter said, to key the memory back in.  The alien had been
simply standing there as if in stop-motion, but now it approached.
Kirk again thought about, and tried to escape.  Again he failed and
was tossed between the boulders.  The scene continued until the alien
reached into his mind.  "Stop there."  Baxter said.  The machine
brought Kirk's thoughts to a pause for him.  He felt like a mental
puppet.  "Put a wormer on that telepathic contact."  

Kirk could hear
equipment being re-arranged.  This was disconcerting, because the rest
of his senses were relaying the sight of the alien, it's crushing
weight, and even the scent of Regal Triad.  "Wormer on," a tech said.

"Ahead slow," Baxter said, "and engage tracer."  For a moment, Kirk
and the alien moved in slow motion, then a new sensation entered.
Like a tendril of living acid, the wormer seeked its way into Kirk
mind, searching the point of entrance of the alien.  It found
it, and began relaying data back to the scanner.  Reality melted like
the walls and Baxter's face, as the scene continued to play,
snail-like, forward.  Kirk became so tense, he started to convulse.

"Stop," Baxter said, as relaxants were administered.  "Ahead normal."
The scene finally ended, and the recorders turned off.  

"I want a full
analysis on that in an hour," Baxter said as he walked out the door.

Kirk felt consciousness returning.  A scanner was whirling, and a hypo
discharged.  He was slumped across his own lap, still in the chair.  A
voice was speaking. "It should take about ten minutes for full
effect."  

The ten minutes dragged by, and Kirk's head gradually
cleared.  He tried to stand with the aid of an offered hand and
actually managed to balance on his own.  The med-tech asked him if he
wanted to stay under observation until he felt better but Kirk wanted
nothing to do with this room any longer. The lab techs made busy with
packing up equipment and Kirk made a swaying exit.  The lift
deposited him a few meters from the door to Horn's office.  

"Great
rings, Jim," Horn exclaimed.  "I've seen a few come out of there, but
never looking as bad as you."  

"Just lucky I guess."  Kirk managed,
taking the offered seat.  

"Well, you'll be happy to hear, this.  Your
ship was granted four days leave on base planet.  If you want you can
take the keys to my cottage, and go sleep in peace for a hundred or so
straight hours."  Horn was holding out two code-cards.  Kirk accepted
them with fairly steady hands.  

"Douglis, how many personnel go
through that machine of Baxter's in a year."  

Horn took a seat at his
desk. "Not many, most are espionage personnel."  

"Our's or someone
else's?"  Kirk asked sarcastically.  

Horn laughed, "Both."  He stood
up, "A drink would probably knock you completely out.  How about I see
you back to your ship?"  

"I'd appreciate that.  I could walk into a
wall and not notice."  Kirk gratefully followed Horn out the door.


Back on the ship, Kirk made his way to sickbay, where he knew McCoy
would be waiting.  

"That was fast," McCoy commented, getting out of a
chair.  

"Really?" Kirk replied. "It certainly didn't seem like it."
He looked around, "Where's Spock?"  

McCoy pressed Kirk down into a
seat, and had his scanners running.  "In his quarters I think.  I'll
call him down here in a minute."  He studied the readout, "Do you feel
as bad as you look?"  

"Probably."  

The transporter tech had informed
the first officer of the Captain's return and at that moment, Spock
strode through the sickbay doors.  He gazed intently at the Human as
he crossed the room, not even attempting to hide his concern.
"Captain."  

Kirk smiled at his friend, and realized that he had been
preparing the smile especially for him.  "I'm fine Spock.  It was
hell, you were right, but when I think back about it, it seems unreal.
Maybe that's a Human defense mechanism at work, I don't know."  

"What
did they do?"  McCoy asked, crossing his arms.  

"Even if I could find
a way to describe it, I can't.  It's classified."  Kirk stood up and
pulled his tunic straight.  "Trust me Bones, your better off not
knowing" He gathered Spock up with his eyes and they both departed.

When they reached Kirk's cabin, Spock approached him, hand rising.
Kirk took the hand into his own, halting its progress.  "Spock," he
said firmly. "I told you I was fine."  Immediately regretting being so
harsh to the vulnerable side Spock was presenting him, Kirk added, "I
really appreciate your concern, my friend.  I will let you touch my
mind if you really need to, but right now I kind of want to be alone
in here."  He let go of the warm hand.  

Spock backed up a step and
pulled himself up straight, "My forwardness is unforgivable, it is of
course, unnecessary for me to reach into your thoughts." Spock turned
to the side and clasped his hands firmly behind his back.  "Any
standing orders while we are in base orbit, Captain?"  

Kirk sadly
watched the transformation.  It'd be nice to get him off the ship for
a while.  That meld couldn't have done him much good, and he'd like to
see if he could draw him out again.  "Just one command, First Officer,"
Kirk stated formally, than let let his voice soften to almost a plead.
"That you come with me to Commander Horn's cottage for leave."

Spock's eyebrows furrowed and he turned to look at his captain.  "I
do not expect any difficulty in executing that order, Sir.  If you
will excuse me, I will pack."  

Kirk released a sigh, and went to
rummaging his duffel from out of the back of his cupboard.


The cottage was one of those pre-formed variety that companies
assemble in five days.  It matched the bark of the vaguely Earth-like
trees that towered overhead.  Kirk sniffed, the air was dewy.  "Well,"
he said to his companion. "It's in the middle of nowhere and that's
what counts."  

"Indeed," Spock replied, removing the bag of supplies
and his own satchel from the rear of the aircar.  The inside was
musty.  

"Wheeh!  Douglis must be too busy to come up here much.  I'll
open her up, and get some air through.  You wanna take that stuff to
the kitch... er, set it over there by the processors?  Horn never did
cook."  He added as he activated the latch releases on the windows.  A
couple blew open on their own, and Kirk walked around, bracing open
the rest.  There was a separate bedroom--the cabin was designed for
the comfort and privacy of two couples.  Kirk walked back to the main
area, took a warm-up suit out of his duffel, and changed into it.
Spock was examining the "hearth."  "I saw wood outside," Kirk said,
heading for the door.  Some of the wood had required cutting, and when
Kirk returned, he noticed Spock too had changed out of his uniform
into a long deep violet robe.  Kirk found himself standing in the
doorway with 20 kilos of lumber in his arms, admiring the way his
first officer looked in that robe.  

"Would you like some assistance,
Captain?"  

"Hmmm?  Oh yes, thank you."  

Spock effortlessly lifted the logs from Kirk's arms and laid them next to the fireplace.  Kirk set himself to putting dinner together in such a way that the processor
would spare some of the flavor.  In less than twenty minutes he set a
bowl of Denebian Mushroom chowder in front of the Vulcan and dug into
a stack of mini cucumber sandwiches.  "Would you like one?"  Kirk
inquired without pausing between bites.  

"If you have one left when
you are finished."  

Kirk took a sandwich off the pile and set it on
the edge of Spock's bowl.  "I know that one would have been left over,"
Kirk said, smiling while he chewed.  

Spock shook his head, "Highly
illogical."  

Kirk laughed wholeheartedly, which eased much of the
Vulcan's remaining tension.  

They finished eating in a companionable
silence.  While Spock ran the dishes through the sonics, Kirk lit the
burn-stick Spock had fore-sightedly placed under the logs in the
fireplace.  He then tossed the cushions and pillows from the couch and
the beds onto the floor and sprawled in relaxed abandon across them,
using the front of the couch as a backrest.  Closing his eyes, he felt
the heat soaking into his toes.  

The cushions tilted as Spock sat
nearby.  Kirk cracked an eye at him.  "Aren't you going to say it's
illogical?"  Kirk teased.  

"Perhaps it is not."  The dark eyes met Kirk's.  

"Random perhaps, but probably not illogical."  

Kirk had trouble looking away from the gaze.  He patted the cushion he was on.
"Would it bother you to sit close to me?"  

"Negative."  Spock moved
over against the Human.  Kirk put an arm behind the narrow frame, and
again closed his eyes.  

"Nice isn't it?  Not having to think about
anything."  Kirk said.  He opened his eyes, remembering Spock's
propensity for multi-tasking his brain three ways from Sunday.  "You
are thinking about nothing, aren't you?"  Spock turned to him,

"Indeed.  Vulcans call it meditation, perhaps you have heard of it?"

Kirk narrowed his eyes at him, but declined to comment.  He leaned
back again and let the rest of the tension leave his muscles.  They
sat that way for quite a while, Kirk running the fingers of his right
hand over a corner of the unbelievably soft material of Spock's robe.

Opening his eyes, he began rubbing his hand in a circle on the warm
back.  "Am I distracting you?"  Kirk asked.  

The Vulcan shook his
head.  After several minutes more, he added quietly, "My Human
inclinations become very content when you are doing that."  

"Really?
What about your Vulcan ones?"  

There was a pause.  

"They are content
also, though illogically so."  

Kirk smiled into the dimness.  He sat
up and continued to rub just below Spock's shoulder bones.  "Everyone
needs affection," Kirk said softly.  The reply was even softer,

"Indeed."  

Kirk loosened several folds of material and slipped his
hand in to rub bare skin.  Spock gasped, tilting his head back.  Kirk
pulled his hand out and gripped the far shoulder, "I'm sorry, Spock.
Are you all right?"  Spock released the deep breath, "Yes, I
was... unprepared," he paused, "for that."  Kirk sat up, "I didn't
mean to hurt you..."  "Jim, I am unharmed."  Spock waited for the
other to meet his eyes, "I am not as fragile as you seem to suppose."
"I am forcing you."  Kirk was silent for several minutes.  "I promised
myself I would never do that to you, not at any level."  Spock grew
stern, "And you haven't.  That is the reason why it has been easier
for me to develop a friendship with you than with anyone else I have
ever met."  He turned toward the fire and composed what he wanted to
express.  The rich voice was softer when it continued, "I had once
thought friendship to be beyond me.  Humans seemed to need... and
expect more than I was capable of giving.  But not you.  You never
expected anything emotional from me.  That made it possible for me to
determine, on my own, exactly what I was capable of
giving... feeling."  He looked back at Kirk, who kept his own gaze
locked on the flames, their flickering glow lighting his eyes and
edging his hair with gold.  "I have always felt certain of your
complete acceptance of me.  That is a very powerful thing."  "Jim."
Spock waited for the gaze to return to him, "You have given a great
deal to me.  It is only logical that I return some of myself to you."
A pained expression touched Kirk's face.  "I don't know, Spock.  I
always seem to destroy anyone who gets that close to me."  Spock
looked thoughtful, "Perhaps I misunderstood.  What was the meaning of
your earlier action?"  "I don't think it had much of a meaning beyond
my needing to express some of my emotions.  There are quite a few in
here for you."  Kirk closed his eyes as the pain surfaced.  Crazy,
he'd thought dealing with Spock's emotions was going to be difficult,
but here he was fighting his own.  So many loses.  So much love lost.
Was it actually love all those times?  What kind of false dream had he
been chasing after?  Kirk opened his eyes to the now-familiar
expression of concern on his friend's face.  "I sense you are
distressed," Spock said carefully.  "I've screwed up so many times,
Spock."  Kirk shook his head, "So many.  I'm very tired of the pain.
I want someone to take control of my emotional life away from me."  He
closed his eyes again.  "I am hardly qualified to do that."  Spock
replied drily.  "I think you are very qualified.  You don't feel too
much, unlike me.  I can't just feel a little, it has to be everything,
every time.  I'm too afraid that if I don't give it my all every time,
I'll miss out what's really special.  Instead I end up devastated."
Kirk lowered his eyes.  He could feel the other's gaze upon him, could
feel the higher body heat emanated from the nearby being.  He also
perceived that Spock had lowered his telepathic emotional barriers,
since the usual weird sensation of reflected emotion was absent.
Spock wasn't actually touching him right now.  How much of his pain
could he sense?  What more could Spock be for him then his tower of
strength?  Though, what a safe haven the Vulcan was, solid,
predictable, sensitive.  A haven that, right now, Kirk would like to
remain in.  "Would you make love to me?"  Kirk hadn't intended to say
it.  It just came out as the thought was generated.  It occurred to
him that he was unfairly imposing his own idea of commitment onto
Spock.  He forced himself to meet the dark eyes.  "I do not think that
is wise..."  Spock swallowed hard.  "Please do not think I am
rejecting you.  Quite the contrary, I am rather... flattered."  He
paused, "I feel that, in the wrong context, a sexual experience would
be a regression."  Kirk realized he'd been holding his breath, and now
released it.  It took a few moments to absorb Spock's last statement.
"What do you mean by 'a regression?'"  Kirk asked, relieved at least
that he hadn't alienated his friend.  Spock turned back to the flames,
"To a Vulcan, there is nothing more intimate than the touching of
minds."  He looked back at the other, "Though as half Human I
appreciate, more than a Vulcan would, the trust and vulnerability
involved in close physical interaction."  Kirk looked down and again
the pained expression distorted his face.  "Jim," Spock waited for the
other to meet his eyes, but Kirk did not.  "Please do not assume that
I do not wish to help."  Kirk was silent for a while.  A lot of his
past flowing through his mind.  "I don't know what you can do."  "Do
you believe intimacy right now would help?"  Spock asked
matter-of-fact.  "No," Kirk admitted, "It would just take my mind off
the loneliness for a while."  "Then it is not a solution."  The waning
crackle and rush of the fire was the only sound for a while.  "What is
the origin of this loneliness?  I am not knowlegable in the relative
merits of the companionship of friends compared to lovers."  "It just
never works out, Spock.  I go along, thinking there can be no easing
of the pain, and then someone comes along who overwhelms my mind and
predominates my thoughts.  And then it all falls apart, taking my
personal life with it."  Kirk sighed.  "Maybe I've been seeking the
wrong things.  Superficial things.  Maybe what I'm really seeking is
you."  Spock's eyebrows rose to his bangs.  "Perhaps you only hope
that what you are seeking is me, since I am sitting right here."
"Maybe.  I don't know."  Spock's voice was quiet, "I have a difficult
time accepting that you would truely be seeking me."  Kirk started.
That sounded surprisingly close to self-depreciation.  "Why?"  Spock's
eyebrows furrowed in thought, but he did not respond immediately.
"Spock, you are everything to me," Kirk said with conviction;
determined to reassure the Vulcan "Everything else is secondary, my
command, my life..."  Kirk stopped to listen to himself.  Spock turned
slowly to him, "I am...uncertain I can live up to that expectation."
Kirk's gaze didn't waver, "You already have."  Neither spoke for
several minutes.  Spock's voice was very soft, "Is there anyway I can
help?"  "I don't know.  Besides suggesting something would be pushing
you, and that I won't do again."  Kirk lowered his head and stared at
his hands.  "I have observed that it is sometimes meaningful for
Humans to have that which is unspoken, spoken," Spock said.  Watching
his normally commanding captain in such an uncertain posture was
making it difficult to find words.  "Your existance is...extremely
important to me."  He paused, "That isn't quite what I wanted to say."
Kirk looked up to him, slight smile at the corner of his lips.
"Tough, isn't it?"  "Indeed," Spock replied, brows furrowed,
"Illogical that should be the case.  It is merely a statement of
facts."  "Facts about emotions?" Kirk asked, teasing.  He watched
Spock's thoughtful face with interest.  "How many different emotions
right now?"  "Quite a few...several conflicting," Spock responded.
"Is this how it always is for Humans?"  Kirk nodded.  "I understand
the difficulty now.  Humans and relationships."  "I'm afraid your just
starting to understand, Spock."  They were quiet for a time.  Spock
stood up to re-kindle the fire and add another log to burn.  He
returned to his previous place, and studied Kirk closely.  Almost too
closely for Kirk's comfort.  Spock's mind turned over his options.
Kirk's pain was still blatantly apparant.  "Perhaps something which
was successful earlier..."  "What was that?" Kirk asked.  Spock
responded by pulling him against his chest.  Kirk stretched his legs
out so he could better fit against the warm figure.  Spock's arms
tightened and Kirk's heart ached at the thought of what this must cost
his stoic friend.  "What am I doing to you, my friend?"  Kirk spoke
into the soft fabric.  Close contact gave the Vulcan a clear picture
of Kirk's concern.  "I believe you are unleashing my Human
capabilities."  Spock replied slowly.  "For which I believe my mother
would be quite pleased, and my father somewhat dismayed."  "I don't
want to do this to you," Kirk said, pushing away to sit up, "to change
you like this."  "It is logical to help you remain emotionally
healthy.  I do this as a direct extension of my duty to you."  "Is
that what it is?"  Kirk asked quietly, gaze lowered.  "My duty to you
as a friend."  Spock accented the last word.  "I understand now.  I
would not have understood a year ago, but I do now.  That is probably
the most significant change in me.  Our friendship, and my
contribution to it, is my highest responsibility."  Kirk noticed
Spock's arms were still open in invitation.  "No, I'm all right now.
I need to get some sleep."  Spock could feel Kirk's mind closing up,
and wondered a moment at his own sudden sensitivity.  The mental
equivalent of steel doors were shutting the telepathic extension of
Spock's mind out of Kirk's thoughts.  What had gone wrong?  For one of
the few times in his life, Spock panicked.  The previously
unexperienced fear of having been misunderstood in a matter whose
importance he hadn't the background to understand, momentarily
overwhelmed his mind.  "Jim," he said, reaching for Kirk as he was
moving to stand.  Hearing pain so blatent in his own voice fed back
into panic, making it even more difficult to reassert control.  Kirk
stopped and sat back on his heals, "Spock?"  The Vulcan's face was
openly displaying his emotions.  Kirk's thoughts came sharply back
him.  Spock was as vulnerable as himself and he was walking away with
everything unresolved.  Kirk hadn't even considered Spock's needs,
hadn't considered he could have any affect on them.  Kirk grasped his
friend's shoulders.  Spock's eyes closed as he regained control.  When
they opened, they registered confusion.  "You are certain I am not
changing you too much?"  Kirk asked, with a hint of accusation.  The
Vulcan met his eyes, "I..." he began.  "Your mind...you were shutting
me out.  I was uncertain what that meant."  "I need some time to think
about things."  Kirk replied.  "Your mind was closing on me.  I did
not realize I was so far into your thoughts... I was trying to
understand your difficulties.  I should not have been so far into your
mind, it is a violation of your privacy."  Spock stopped.  Such
confusion from my logical Vulcan.  He needs me at least as much as I
need him.  That changes things a bit.  Kirk felt a building urge to
hold his friend in reassurance, but it seemed so inappropriate a thing
to do to a Vulcan.  "Spock, I'm sorry...I was only thinking of
myself."  "You should not have to concern yourself with me."  Spock
stated, normal once again.  "I too apparantly need to think about
this."  It was Kirk's turn to panic.  Oh no, I've pushed him past his
limit and he is going to decide the emotional price is too high.
"Spock..."  Why are we having such a difficult time with this?  Kirk
wondered, then had an idea.  "Spock, my friend, will you meld with
me?"  The now calm Vulcan met his gaze, "If you wish."  "I do wish."
I wish to end all of this confusion we have.  A very reserved mind
touched Kirk's as the warm fingers were positioned on his face.  The
human reached out physically to embrace the other since there was no
reason now to avoid such a minor intimacy.  The solid reserve
softened, and wordless understanding flowed between them.  Spock broke
the contact and Kirk held on a few extra moments before letting go
with his arms.  Maintaining a memory of what had just transpired in
the meld was difficult for Kirk, since he had no language to put it
in.  He settled for remembering the affection he felt from Spock, and
the certainty that his friend understood.  They were both more relaxed
as Kirk headed to the spare bedroom, leaving the Vulcan in meditation
before the fire.

Kirk slept soundly without the disruption of dreams.  And was awakened
by a small shake of his shoulder.  Spock was sitting on the side of
the bed.  "If I am not mistaken, an excess of ten hours of sleep will
leave you groggy and unable to sleep during the subsequent
rest-period."  Kirk sat up and stretched, "Yeah, that's probably
true."  Spock was very close.  Their last conversation was blurred in
his mind, and he could not remember where they stood right now.  "It's
still dark out," Kirk commented, noticing the lack of light from the
window.  "How long is the day here?"  Spock was standing up,
"Approximately 43.16 standard hours.  I presumed the lack of natural
light was the reason for your lengthy sleep."  "I think the
Vanderschok Scan had something to do with it also."  He said,
stretching his neck.  "Should I have allowed you to sleep longer?"
"No, I'm all right."  Kirk threw the covers off, "Ten hours is a lot
of sleep for me."  "You have recovered very well."  Spock commented as
Kirk gathered up a towel and soap.  "As I recall, it was days before I
was functional again."  A stab of sympathy stopped Kirk on his quest
for the bathroom.  He turned to the Vulcan, but couldn't find anything
to say.  He settled for small talk, "What should we do today...this
morning.  That is, when morning arrives?"  "I shall consider our
options while you are showering, Captain."  **

After dinner the following evening, Kirk sat beside the window engaged
in a book.  Spock approached quietly, trying to gauge the other's
mood.  Kirk looked up and smiled genuinely.  Spock relaxed, and also
sat down on the ledge as the Human marked the page and set the book
aside.  "I was curious," Spock began, "about your earlier offer."
Kirk looked confused.  "Your earlier offer of physical intimacy,"
Spock clarified.  Kirk froze for a moment, and the Vulcan could sense
an emotional response similar to mild panic forming in the human.
"What...were you curious about?" Kirk looked embarrased, and evaded
Spock's gaze.  Spock paused, evaluating the stronger emotions he could
feel projected from the other, "Forgive me."  Kirk looked at him
suddenly.  "I did not intend to distress you."  "That's all right.
I..."  A fainter version of the smile returned.  "What is it?"  "I
wondered if you would be willing to allow me a Vulcan intimacy?"
Kirk's smile stengthened, "A meld?"  Spock nodded.  "Certainly, my
friend.  Similar to the one we shared when you were helping me get
over the attack?"  "If you wish.  Or a different one if you are
willing."  Spock was forced to divert his attention away from
measuring Kirk's reaction to quelling his own.  A trembling warmth was
generating in his midsection.  "I am willing."  Kirk folded his hands
in his lap and drew a deep breath to relax.  Spock closed his eyes
momentarily and then reached for a cool Human hand.  He laid Kirks
palm in his hand and lifted it up between them.  Slowly he began
stroking the cool palm with his own.  Kirk watched with interest for a
while and said teasing, "This is as intimate as Vulcans get?"  "When
it is not our Time, yes."  Spock shifted his grip and began using only
his middle and index fingers.  "The fingers contain a high
concentration of nerves which are essential to touch-telepathy.  The
intent is primative stimulation of the telepathic center."  "I guess
that's why I don't feel anything."  "I am attempting to remedy that,"
Spock said, placing one hand on the shoulder of the arm he was
holding.  Kirk felt a strange tingling along his arm.  Spock slid his
hand down, back to Kirk's hand, and the tingling surged to an
overwhelming undefinable sensation.  "That I felt."  Kirk said, as it
faded, leaving his arm feeling unaturally light.  Spock massaged
Kirk's forearm, "Too much?"  Kirk shook his head.  Spock continued to
carrass his friends fingers with his own, every featherlight touch now
reflected in quivers along Kirk's spine.  After a few minutes, the
stimulation slowed and Spock replaced Kirk's hand in his lap.  Kirk
felt drained, but extremely relaxed.  He studied the austere face with
affection, "Do you wish to meld?"  Spock, studying Kirk just as
closely, replied, "You are not disturbed at all by mind melding.  That
is very unusual in a Human."  Kirk grinned, "I'm a very unusual
Human."  "Indeed."  Keeping his mind shielded, he reached for Kirk's
temple and stroked his fingertips lightly on the soft skin.
Extraordinary, even, my T'hy'la, Spock thought.  Kirk's eyebrows
furrowed, and Spock felt the undisciplined Human mind reaching out to
him.  "Fascinating."  Spock whispered.  Kirk looked questioningly at
him.  "I was not aware you were capable of that."  Kirk placed his
right hand on the side of Spock's ribcage, he could feel the lean
frame even through the thick robe.  "Of what?"  "Perhaps you were not
aware..."  Spock began, Kirk's hand was slowly rubbing his side, and
it momentarily captured his full attentive capacity.  "...you were
projecting your mind into my own."  "Really?  I was just thinking I
wanted to touch you...it's hard to describe."  Spock cherishingly
grasped Kirk's errant hand between his own.  "I am in need of
meditation."  The other's fear of having offended, penetrated the
barrier Spock had placed between them.  "I appreciate your affection,
Jim.  The emotional strain from touching you, is entirely my own, and
I apologize for my weakness."  Spock released the hand and stood up.
"I expect in the future to have less difficulty."  Kirk smiled at the
implication in that statement, and watched his friend move back to the
other side of the room and light a small fire to meditate at.

Leave was over, regrettably, Kirk thought.  They returned to the ship,
  Kirk to the duty of retrieving a few late crew members, Spock to his
  research.  Kirk finally was able, six hours later, to give the
  orders to leave orbit and head for Beta Norada 6 and a small
  planetary dispute.  Being on duty with the Vulcan was a constant
  source of reassurance and tension.  Kirk found he was consciously
  aware of the other's presence, unlike he had ever been.  Several
  times in the last few days, Spock had walked down from his station
  and spoke quietly, "Everything all right, Captain?"  Kirk would nod
  quickly, and Spock would pause a moment, as if to be certain the
  captain wouldn't change his answer, before heading back to his
  station.  Spock only did this when McCoy wasn't hanging around,
  which he seemed to be doing a lot lately.  Or hovering around, as
  Kirk thought better described it.  There wasn't much for anyone to
  do, except for Spock and the astrophysics lab who were analyzing
  data being beamed from a science vessel observing a singularity.  As
  a result, Spock was busy off duty as well.  For the first few days,
  Kirk appreciated the time to think, but now he wished they had more
  time together.

Kirk was heading for the work-out room to ease his tension, when he
decided to just go to the source.  He knew what laboratory the science
officer would be in, and told the turbolift to head for the lab deck.
The main science lab was dim and it took a few moments to determine
his friend was at a station in the rear of the lab.  Kirk walked
carefully past the glowing tanks and swirling containment fields to
the large computer bank and the terminal where Spock sat in
concentration.  There was no one else in the lab.  Spock did not look
up at Kirk's approach, though Kirk knew he must have heard him come
in.  "How are things going?"  He asked softly.  "Fine Captain.  Though
not without difficulties."  Spock fingers danced over the control
panel.  Kirk could barely read the first line of each screen as it
updated.  "The science vessel has deemed it safe to remain longer than
predicted, and we are running out of storage for the data.  I am
attempting to sort out, filter and compress the data that are of
interest to us, so the rest can be disposed of and the storage area
used for additional incoming data."  Kirk's hands moved to rest on the
lean shoulders, squeezing gently.  "It is imperative that I complete
this in the next three hours."  Spock added.  Kirk began massaging the
taut muscles.  "You haven't slept lately, have you?"  "No," Spock
replied softly.  Kirk continued massaging as he watched the streams of
data fly past on the computer screen.  Suddenly the lights came up and
McCoy walked around the corner.  His look of surprise quickly turned
sour.  "Jim, why are you molesting your first officer?"  Kirk froze,
uncertain how to respond.  McCoy set his lab samples on the "in" rack
and said, "I want to see you in my office, now."  Spock had stopped
working and turned to Kirk as the outer door slid closed behind the
chief surgeon.  Kirk turned back toward Spock from watching the doctor
leave, "Was I hurting you?"  he asked.  Spock shook his head.  Kirk
looked back in the direction of McCoy's departure, "Do you know what
this is about?"  "No, I do not."  Their eyes met solidly for several
seconds.  Kirk smiled wryly.  "I'll bring you some dinner...when he's
finished with me."  He said and then walked out of the lab.

"What was that all about?"  Kirk demanded as he entered McCoy's
office.  "Sit down, Jim."  McCoy had poured himself one, and started
to pour another for Kirk.  "I don't want any."  He said as he took the
seat across the desk from the doctor.  Kirk waited in glowering
silence as the other took a long drink.  "Your first officer is a
touch telepath..."  "I'm aware of that."  Kirk interrupted.  "Why are
you harrassing him, then?"  Kirk paused, his anger easing, "He said I
wasn't bothering him."  McCoy put the bottle away after topping off
his drink.  "Did he say that because you're his captain?"  Kirk didn't
respond immediately.  "I've been watching you this last week.  You've
been touching him a lot.  Almost every opportunity.  I can't imagine
you aren't distressing him."  Kirk averted his eyes to stare at
McCoy's collection of antique medical equipment.  The scalpels looked
sinister as their blades reflected the light, far from their healing
intent.  "I think he would have told me if I was hurting him," Kirk
said calmly, anger completely drained from him.  The doctor studied
his charge closely.  This wasn't the reaction he was expecting.  He
expected defensiveness and more anger.  Kirk was only displaying
concern over his behavior.  McCoy's conclusion based on his recent
observations was that the deep meld Spock had shared with Kirk had
left the Human with a kind of addiction to the Vulcan.  That did not
seem to be the case and he wasn't certain how to proceed.  "What's
going on, Jim?"  "What do you mean?"  Now there was a little
defensiveness.  "With Spock."  McCoy said carefully, "And you."  Kirk
sighed.  "Our relationship has changed."  "To what?"  Kirk hesitated.
Why did he not want to say?  Was it to protect Spock?  Himself?  How
to describe it?  His lips twitched into a small smile, as he
considered his answer and realization dawned.  "We're lovers."  McCoy
halted with the remainder of his drink halfway to his mouth.  "You
are?"  That famous crooked half-smile hadn't left Kirk's face.  McCoy
set the drink back down.  "Sorry Jim, I ah...shouldn't have been so
harsh with you."  "I can't possibly fault you for caring about his
well being, Bones."  McCoy fiddled with his drink, looking sheepish.
"Well, if you need anything.  Advice or anything.  You know where to
find me."  Kirk realized he was being dismissed.

"I presume you informed him."  Spock said without looking up.  Kirk
set the light dinner of rice and some disgusting looking blue Vulcan
vegetable down on an empty rack beside the computer station.  "Yes, do
you mind?"  "I believe he inevitably would have known."  Spock keyed
up a program to clear spare memory from other computer operations, and
turned his attention to the dinner Kirk had brought.  He was very
hungry.  "I wish..."  Kirk stopped and pulled over a nearby chair.
Spock was looking at him curiously.  "I wish you would treat yourself
a little better."  He said almost shyly, not wanting it to come across
as a command.  Spock was trying to eat quickly and did not respond.
"How much longer before you are done?"  Spock swallowed, "I am half an
hour from completing a program that will run automatically over the
remaining incoming data.  That will allow us to gather as much data as
possible.  And it also means I will not need to be as vigilant of the
incoming transmission as I have been" Although he was interested in
seeing the data as it came in, he was more interested in Kirk.  Spock
finished off the last few bites and set the tray aside.  "Half an
hour?"  Kirk confirmed.  Spock nodded, as he went back to programming.
"Do you mind if I meet you in your quarters then?"  Spock stopped and
turned to him, "No, Jim.  I do not mind."

Kirk buzzed Spock's room and the door slid open.  The Vulcan had
changed into a long red robe, and stood with his hand on the door
release at the desk.  "Feel better after having eaten?"  Kirk asked as
he walked over to the other.  "Yes, quite."  "You should try not to
let yourself get so hungry."  Kirk said studying him closely.  "It is
a Vulcan adaptive trait that I am not distracted by physical needs.
When I am too busy to attend to them, that is."  Spock met his gaze
cooly.  A double entendre from the Vulcan?  Kirk wondered.  He wasn't
certain what to do next.  Their earlier conversation played through
his mind, "You must be tired."  "Somewhat," Spock replied, reaching to
turn off his desk screen.  "Though if there is something you wish to
discuss..."  Kirk's mind churned, this was normal Spock, not the
vulnerable being from leave with needs he could identify with.  Kirk
suddenly felt Spock's barriers dropping, though he wasn't certain how
he knew that.  When he looked up, Spock was taking a step closer, he
was now only a decimeter away.  Kirk wanted very badly to know what to
do.  "I do not mean to make this difficult for you."  The rich voice
intoned.  Kirk felt the floor was falling away from him.  He was
completely mezmerized by the alien before him, and couldn't find
anything to say.  His mouth and body were frozen as if held in a
force-field, and it felt as if he were suspended over a dark pit, and
dared not stuggle for fear of plummeting to some unknown fate.  He
tried to cry out.  Spock reached up suddenly and grabbed Kirk's
shoulders.  Kirk's mind snapped back to him suddenly, almost
violently.  "Forgive me, Jim.  Your mind reached out to me, and I
reflexively grasped it."  Kirk trembled for a moment and seemed to be
out of breath.  "Are you all right?"  Spock asked, smoothing the bowed
head with one hand, still holding the Human steady with the other.
Kirk nodded, and forced his breathing to ease.  He shook his head to
clear it.  "I fear I am unearning your trust, Jim."  Kirk shook his
still bowed head, this time in negation.  "May I establish that you
are unharmed?"  The deep voice was quieter.  Kirk nodded and leaned
against him.  The touch of Spock's mind was so gentle and beautiful it
caused tears to sting in Kirk's eyes.  He grabbed Spock physically
when he felt him withdrawing, but the wonderful presence departed
anyway.  "I believe we both need to rest, Jim.  I am apparently more
tired than I believed, to have caused you such distress."  Kirk
nodded.  Spock did look tired now.  As Kirk headed for the door, Spock
said, "I will not allow that to happen again."  Kirk stopped and
turned back.  "It wasn't intentional Spock.  I know that."  "That does
not matter."  Spock asserted.  Kirk managed a sincere smile, "I don't
want you pulling anymore double shifts, report to the lab instead of
the bridge tomorrow.  And have a good night my friend."  Spock nodded
and Kirk turned and left.  "Good night, my T'hy'la."  Spock whispered
to the closed door.  He moved to the sleeping alcove.  Meditation
would not suffice tonight, Human demands of exhaustion required sleep.
He hoped he would not be disturbed by dreams.

The first shift ended and Kirk headed for the main lab with the intent
of dragging his overworked science officer off duty and to dinner.
The lab was busy at the shift change.  Kirk spied Nurse Chapel doing
lab tests, inordinately close to Spock's computer terminal.  Kirk
stopped on the far side of the lab to watch, amused.  Are you feeling
smug, Jim Kirk?  he thought to himself.  Nothing seemed to be
developing, so Kirk strode over to stand behind his friend.  He could
see Ensign Chapel watching him in his peripheral vision.  He laid a
hand on Spock's shoulder and squeezed.  "How much longer?"  He kept
his voice stern, warning Spock that a command was forthcoming.
"Approximately fifty minutes, Captain."  "No longer."  Kirk patted the
shoulder to reinforce the point.  He could feel Spock's barriers
wavering.  Kirk reflexively drew himself back into his own mind.  "And
you will eat as soon as you leave shift, Commander."  "Yes, Sir."
Spock replied.  //And come and see me in my quarters if you wish.//
Kirk projected, not certain if it would be received.  "Yes, Sir."
Spock replied again audibly.  Kirk couldn't resist smiling.  He nodded
officially to the staring Nurse Chapel as he exitted the lab.

Kirk was handling transfer requests, an easy job, there rarely were
many.  Usually only after the most difficult or most boring missions
were there a significant number.  The door buzzer sounded, and Kirk
keyed the door.  Spock strode in.  "Did you eat?"  Kirk asked without
looking up from the file he was finishing.  "Yes, Sir," came the
reply.  Kirk looked up, grinning.  He stood up, stretched extensively
and walked over to the other.  "Do you require a massage, Captain?"
Kirk was just realizing his heart rate had increased, and now it
stepped the pace up several notches.  Spock placed his hands behind
his back and asked carefully, "Do I frighten you, Jim?"  "No.  Trust
me. I'm only frightening myself."  Kirk said standing before him.
"That is hardly logical."  Spock stated, eyebrows furrowed.  "I'll be
the first to admit my run-away emotions are illogical."  Kirk said,
stepping away to pace the distance back to the desk.  "Do you need
more time, Captain?"  Kirk rubbed the back of his neck, "No, there's
nothing left to think about.  I just don't know where this is going."
He turned to the other.  "Where do you want this to go, Spock?"
"Whereever you feel comfortable."  "That's a cop-out answer, Spock."
Kirk said walking back to the Vulcan.  "Forgive me, I have no
experience upon which to base an opinion."  Kirk relented, "Sorry.  I
didn't mean for that to sound so stong."  Kirk sighed, "I just don't
want to push you too far."  "You cannot."  Spock met his gaze, "the
melds we have shared are deeper..."  "Is that really true, Spock?"
Kirk interrupted.  Spock closed his eyes a moment.  "No, perhaps not."
"I didn't think so.  The times I've touched you, you've seemed much
more affected by me then when we've melded."  Spock lowered his gaze,
"It is a part of my mind I am not used to having to control.  It has
never been so...stimulated."  "I don't want to hurt you."  Kirk said
softly.  "Your touch has never harmed me."  He accented the point by
reaching up and stroking the side of Kirk's face.  Kirk stood
marvelling at the being before him for almost a minute.  His heart was
speeding up again.  He finally took Spock's hand in his own and led
him to the sleeping alcove.  Kirk sat on the bed and pulled Spock down
to sit beside him.  Kirk reached up and began stroking the alien face.
His hand moved to fondle one beloved ear, before grasping the
dark-haired head and pulling forward.  He paused, wordlessly asking
permission, the other nodded and Kirk touched his lips to Spock's.
They were hot, with an entirely alien taste.  They were also willing,
Kirk noted, so he deepened the kiss, parting the thin lips
experimentally.  Spock placed his hand on Kirk's chest as the Human
eventually broke off.  "Jim, your heartrate is almost dangerously
high."  Spock said with concern.  Kirk only grinned and pushed the
Vulcan gently onto his back.  He then pulled off each boot, lifting
the long legs onto the bed as he did so.  He slipped off his own boots
and leaned over the narrow frame to engage Spock in another kiss.  He
pulled up and regarded the other beneath him with unreined affection.
"Still okay?"  Kirk asked, a teasing tone to his voice.  "Yes.
Quite."  Was the reply.  Kirk reached up to unseal the blue uniform
shirt at the neck, then he slid a hand under the material to carass
the warm midsection.  Lean muscle rippled under his hand as Spock's
respiration sped up.  "Too stimulating?"  Kirk asked as he changed
from stroking to massage.  Spock shook his head.  Kirk bent down and
opened Spock's mouth wide with his tongue.  The less experienced
Vulcan had to struggle to keep up with the passionate kiss.  Kirk's
hand began roaming downward as the intercomm chimed.  "Bridge to
Captain."  Kirk froze, eyes closed in disbelief.  He disengaged.
"Kirk here," he said, knowing the visuals wouldn't be on if he wasn't
at his desk.  "Special Envoy Jinns wishes to speak with you about the
Narada 6 situation, Sir."  Lt. Cambar explained over the intercomm.
"We're still four days out, Lt."  Kirk said.  "I informed him of that
Sir, he insisted the situation needed explanation now, and updates as
we approach."  Kirk's eye widened in disbelief.  "Put him through in
five minutes, Lt."  "Five minutes?  Yes, Sir."  The connection cut
out.  "Are you familiar with the situation?"  Spock asked from his
position on the bed.  "Yes, that's how I've been occupying myself
while you were busy in the lab."  Kirk leaned back over the horizontal
form and carassed the soft warm face again with a sigh.  "Captain, you
should not keep the Envoy waiting.  I do not think you want an
interplanetary incident."  Kirk grinned down at him, "What do you
think I'm working on here?"  Spock rolled his eyes and sat up.  Kirk
stood up to get out of his way.  "Doesn't sound like I'll get back to
you tonight."  He said with regret.  It was Spock this time who bent
down and kissed him tenderly causing a small ember of desire to
flarered hot in Kirk's abdomen.

Kirk walked onto the bridge a full minute after first shift officially
began.  "Status report Mr. Sulu."  "We are in Parsec 469 gamma 3 pi,
heading 340 mark 21, speed, warp 5.  ETA to Beta Narada System, 81.03
hours, Sir."  "Thank you, Mr. Sulu."  Kirk said as he settled into his
chair.  "Late conference, Jim?"  McCoy asked.  "Yes, Bones.  Late
conference."  He could feel Spock's gaze upon him.  "Special Envoy
Jinns."  "Oh," McCoy said theatrically, somewhat dissappointed.  Sulu
and Chekov looked at each other in question and then turned quickly
back to their stations.  Kirk gave McCoy a disapproving look.
"Nothing in sickbay to attend to Bones?"  Kirk said as he stylused his
initials on the report the yeoman handed him.  "Nope, nothing."
"Hmmm," Kirk replied.

After dinner Kirk and Spock walked back toward their quarters.  They
had survived McCoy's session of barely concealed ribbing, and Kirk was
glad to be away from the doctor and the crew.  They stopped in front
of Spock's quarters.  Kirk could sense some hesitation in his friend.
He took a guess at the source, "Do you need some time alone?"  Spock
bowed his head and nodded.  "An hour or so?"  Spock said.  "All right,
my friend.  It will give me a chance to get an update from Jinns."
Spock nodded and entered his quarters, Kirk walked thoughtfully on to
his own.

Spock adjusted the flame on the demon-like firepot higher and lowered
himself to his knees.  He easily entered the first two stages of deep
meditation, but the third illuded him.  He settled into the second and
examined his thoughts.  Kirk was in the forefront of them.  It occured
to him that he was willingly engaging in intimacy with someone who had
made no commitment to him and who had not been properly introduced to
the clan as a mate.  A few months ago even he would have thought that
unacceptable.  He called up that mindset and examined his current
situation.  It looked uncertain and illogical.  He could not imagine
Kirk accepting the human equivalent of marriage.  Going through the
Getrob'b ceremony to become as another of Sarek's sons.  It seemed
from Spock's observation that any time there was a movement toward
permanence in one of Kirk's relationships, somehow the situation
self-destructed.  No. Kirk would not want to be tied to him for the
rest of his life and even after.  It didn't fit Spock's understanding
of who Kirk was.  His own need for a bond was satisfied by the
intimacy while at the same time growing greater.  He shook his head as
the second level meditative state slipped into a light first at the
emotions these thoughts brought forth.  It is just a need like any
other and it can be denied, Spock thought.  But why? Asked another
part of him.  Because what he has become for me brings as much meaning
to my existance as logic, he replied to himself, surprised at the
revelation.

"Something is going on here Captain that I cannot understand."  Jinns
spoke urgently over the noisey transmission.  "There is an outside
force at work, I am certain of it."  "Who?" Kirk asked, "You're quite
a distance from Klingon space, and the Romulans couldn't possibly care
about these backwater colony planets."  "Some of the natives think it
is the re-appearance of an evil presence."  Oh, great, Kirk thought,
Nothing screws up a mission like religious natives.  All we need is a
population more concerned with sustaining their beliefs then solving
their problems.  "I have to go now, Kirk."  Jinns said reaching to
sign off.  "Take care, Sir," Kirk said, "I'd hate to have to sort this
thing out without you."

Kirk buzzed Spock's quarters and entered as the door opened.  The
Vulcan was still kneeling before his firepot.  "Am I too early?"
"No."  Spock replied, and stood up.  Standing before the flickering
statue, cloaked in the red robe of two nights before, Spock was the
epitome of Vulcan.  Very alien.  Kirk hesitated before stepping into
the room.  Spock stepped over to him, head tilted, studying him.  "Are
you too uncomfortable here?"  Kirk smiled, and shook his head, forcing
himself to relax.  They stood face to face for a while.  Spock finally
reached up and brushed the back of his fingers across Kirk's cheek.
Kirk responded by pulling the other forward for a short kiss.  "I have
noticed," Spock commented, "that you have difficulty taking the lead."
Kirk pulled back to look at his friend.  "I'm always afraid that you
are going to run away when I touch you."  Kirk confessed.  "Jim,"
Spock's voice was soothing, "I do not think I am capable of running
away from you."  Kirk smiled, meeting the dark eyes, and took the warm
hand in his own and led Spock to the bed.  Spock laid down and watched
Kirk remove his boots.  Kirk leaned over to carass the nearest ear.
No interruptions were forthcoming from the intercomm when he bent
farther into a slow passionate kiss.  He withdrew from the kiss and
moved to nuzzle the long neck.  Spock gasped and grabbed Kirk's
shoulders.  Kirk sat up slightly, "Too much?"  Spock nodded, eyes
closed.  "Sorry."  He said, carassing the side of Spock's neck with
his fingers.  "No need to apologize, Jim.  I am adapting to the
stimulation.  Please continue."  "Have you always had this much
difficulty, Spock?"  Kirk asked, moving to carass a bit of exposed
chest.  "I have never been this close...this telepathically close to
anyone before.  It is much stronger this way."  Spock explained.  "I
not only have my reaction to accept, but you are projecting the
pleasure you wish me to feel.  It is easily overwhelming."  "I didn't
realize..."  "It is all right, Jim.  I'm am learning even now to sort
the two sources out.  When I have learned that, I can concentrate on
my own reaction, and filter yours."  Spock reached out to gather Kirk
against him.  Kirk ended the subsequent kiss, and leaned back on his
elbow to study Spock.  Kirk's hand was parting the thick robe down the
middle, carassing and teasing as it travelled.  The waist of the robe
was tied somehow, Kirk couldn't discern.  He moved his hand around
Spock's waist, trying to find the ties that were holding the complex
garment in place.  "Do you require assistance, Captain?"  Spock asked,
his hand running over Kirk's back.  Kirk shook his head as his hand
worked around the other's waist from inside the robe, and found the
loose knot.  Now free to explore inside the heavy robe as he pleased,
Kirk ran his hand over a firm buttock, turning Spock's pelvis toward
him as he did so.  At the same time he bent again to the side of his
neck, and bestowed a series of light kisses to the region below the
ear.  Spock's breathing became irregular and he tossed fitfully.
"Okay?"  Kirk asked between kisses.  "Yes," Spock managed between
breaths.  Kirk's mouth travelled downward pausing to give extra
attention to a nipple.  Lifting his head he withdrew his hand and
began sliding folds of soft fabric aside to reveal the Vulcan
completely.  He examined the alien genitals a few moments before
reaching out to stroke them gently.  Keeping a careful rein on his own
emotions, so as not to overwhelm the other, he gingerly grasped the
soft double-ridged phallus in his hand and stroked slowly.  Spock's
eyes closed with the sensation, but he did not lose control.  "What
would you like, Spock?"  The dark eyes opened, "I am not certain what
my options are.  I think I shall defer to your more experienced
judgement."  Kirk grinned at the Spockian phrasing and sat up to
remove his clothing.  As he stretched out, naked, beside the Vulcan,
he said, "I know what I would prefer."  "What is that, Jim?"  Spock's
hand was moving slowly up a thigh.  "I want you to be in control the
first time, I want just you, unbiased by things you are going to pick
up from me."  Kirk said turning on his back, and urging the other to
lay on top of him.  "You will be much too warm this way."  Spock
observed as he oblidged, and his robe draped over both of them.
"Temperature down three degrees," he instucted the climate control.
He looked down at the Human whose hands were roaming freely over his
backside.  "I am not certain how to proceed."  He experimentally
reached between them to investigate the cooler Human genitals.  "What
do you desire, Spock?"  Kirk asked, again fondling the closest ear.
Spock was silent in thought for several breaths.  Kirk had discovered
a particularly sensitive area of his ear and it was difficult to
concentrate.  Spock moved off of the other, "Roll over," he
instructed, "I will be right back."  Kirk lay naked and tense on his
Vulcan first officer's bed, waiting for him.  A few moments later the
Vulcan returned and set a container of rare Hurisian oil on the bed
stand.  "Where did you get that?"  Kirk asked, as Spock sat beside him
on the bed.  Kirk realized he was less unnerved by the thought of
being on the receiving end then he expected.  But he didn't want Spock
to sense any uncertainty when he touched him.  "My mother periodically
sends them," Spock responded.  Kirk looked surprised.  Spock was
opening the container and pouring some into his hand.  "As a child, I
exhibited a strictly Human trait of dry skin.  I informed her it was
not a problem on the ship, but she sends them anyway."  He rubbed the
oil into his palms, turned and began rubbing Kirk's back.  "Spock,
you're supposed to let me do something for you."  Kirk criticized.
The warm hands moved expertly across his muscles, turning him to
jelly.  "It will be easier when you are relaxed."  Spock explained.
His sensitive fingers sought out tension and drew it from the muscles.
Kirk's only response was a grunt of pleasure.  He was completely
immobilized by the wonderful hands releasing months of command
tension.  His heart ached at how much this supposedly emotionless
being cared for him.  Though behind Spock's projection of physical
care, Kirk could sense desire building.  He concentrated on accepting
the idea of being the object of Spock's sexual attention.  The muscles
of Kirk's back and arms were eventially soft and uncomplaining, and
Spock hands changed to carass.  "I sense you are uncertain..."  Spock
began, his hands carassing the sides of Kirk's abdomen.  Kirk was
grateful he wasn't facing Spock, "I need to know I can accept you in
this way.  I want you to make love to me."  He said, "Do you wish to?"
Voicing the invitation made the idea much less difficult.  Spock's
hand moved to trail through his hair.  "Yes."  the deep voice, very
close to his ear, replied.  Kirk's heart pounded against the inside of
his chest.  Spock settled himself alongside the Human on the bed,
massaging the other's shoulders again after feeling them tensing.  His
hand then travelled around underneath to the smooth chest and pulled
Kirk onto his side, against him.  The hand then travelled enticingly
down the other's side and thigh, and around the buttocks pressing
against his abdomen.  Kirk closed his eyes and sighed with pleasure at
the intimate carrassing.  Spock removed his hand a moment and then
oil-slick fingertips traced a path down the crevis of his buttocks.  A
soft moan came from him as the long fingers probed the sensitive
opening.  Kirk's attention was riveted to the intimate sensation. He
was amazed to find himself arching his back wanting the touch to reach
into him farther.  He was rewarded with deeper probing and an
additional finger. The fingers spread to loosen the opening.  He
realized with an ache that he dearly wanted this, wanted to be this
rare special being for Spock.  The hand withdrew and grasped his legs
to pull them against his chest.  The sense of confinment this caused
was highly erotic to Kirk.  The fingers returned and Kirk could feel
Spock's erection also probing.  He wondered at that.  "Do I actual
arouse you?"  Kirk asked.  "You are very stimulating to me, but the
erection is caused by my controlling the proper blood vessels and
muscles.  I do not know if I am capable of an erection outside of my
Time."  "Oh," Kirk replied.  "Does it bother you?"  Spock's other hand
moved down to tease at Kirk's soft phallus.  "No, I don't mind.  I
just want you to feel pleasure."  Spock repositioned the tip of his
cock at Kirk's anus.  "I am definitely capable of that, Captain."  He
pushed with his hips, but the sphincter was resisting.  He re-coated
his fingers and erection with oil and spreading the opening wide with
his fingers, inserted himself to the second ridge.  Feeling no strong
discomfort from the other he easily slid all the way in.  The intense
pleasure was increased by pulling Kirk's hips hard against his
abdomen.  "How is it?"  Kirk asked reaching his hand around to stroke
and grab Spock's buttock.  "Very nice."  Spock whispered, his hands
rubbing up and down the length of Kirk's side, chest, and back.
"Everything you feel, I feel as erotic pleasure."  He continued to
stroke Kirk's body concentrating on his abdomen and chest which arched
taught beneath his hands.  Spock's voice was hoarse when he spoke
again, "Can you show me how to pleasure you, Jim?"  His hands moved to
Kirk's soft genitals.  "Here," Kirk showed the other how to grasp the
rapidly stiffening organ.  "Now move your hand back and forth along it
to mimick penetration."  Spock did so.  "Good...very good," Kirk
sighed.  The pleasure on Spock's side was incredible.  "I did not know
how strong this could be," he managed.  He felt his cock begin
hardening and lengthing farther on its own.  "T'hy'la."  He whispered
and began moving his hips in time to stroking the other's erection.
"You are aroused for real, now.  Aren't you?"  Kirk asked.  "Yes." was
the soft reply.  Spock continued both motions and the pleasure
continued the build.  He opened his eyes and looked at the being who
was willingly giving him his body for pleasure, that thought made the
pleasure even more intense.  After several more minutes of steady
thrusting and Kirk's rising pleasure he realized the mounting tension
in his own body was a buildup towards orgasm.  The sensation soon
plateaued, however, leaving him hanging.  He ceased thrusting.
"What's wrong?"  Kirk asked.  "I believe I require contact with a
denser area of nerve endings, as would be the case with a female.  My
telepathic sense of you through my genitals is not strong enough."  He
withdrew and cleansed himself and Kirk with the damp towel he earlier
had placed on the nightstand.  "Is there something I can do, Spock?"
Kirk asked, concerned.  He rolled onto his back to look at his friend.
Spock reached again for the oil and stradled Kirk's hips so his cock
lay next to the other's.  Spreading fresh oil on both erections he
reached for and placed Kirk's hands around both organs.  He than began
thrusting into the other's hands along the other's very aroused
genitals.  He met Kirk's eyes, and the other smiled at him.  "Better?"
Kirk asked, closing his hands to make the path tighter.  "Indeed."
Spock said as the next thrust put him on the edge.  He paused,
uncertain.  Kirk continued to move his hands and hips so their cocks
moved against one another, and Spock fell over the edge.  The
overwhelming pleasure blanked all thought from his mind.  The universe
was reduced to the feel of Kirk's stroking hands and the uncontrolled
plummet of orgasm.  Kirk continued to rub the long cock as Spock sat
motionless above him, mouth half open and breathing harshly.  The
ridges on the alien cock were flaring in rhythm to his stroking,
"Coming?"  "Yes," was the hoarse reply.  Kirk tightened his grip and
elicited a low moan in response.  After another minute Spock seemed to
return.  He reached down to gently massage his own testicles.  Kirk
slowed his stroking.  "Please, don't stop."  Spock whispered.  Kirk
resumed and after a moment, Spock groaned and a thick clear fluid
oozed from the tip of his cock.  Spock massaged harder and cried out
as fluid jetted out across Kirk's damp chest.  Kirk met the smiling
eyes of his alien lover. "Good?"  "Indeed," was the reply as Spock
moved off to sit beside Kirk and resumed rubbing the human erection.
"I presume you wish me to finish you as well?"  Kirk nodded.  "What is
your preference?"  Kirk smiled and watched the lean hand stroking his
cock.  "Well..." he looked at the other, "it would be really nice if
you would use your mouth."  Spock re-arranged himself so he was
resting on his elbow, head near the other's erection.  "I believe I
need advice on precise technique," he said, gazing at the captain
expectantly.  Kirk grinned and ran his hand along the furred thigh
near his shoulder.  "Start by putting your mouth over the glans." he
said.  Spock oblidged.  Kirk sighed, "Now move your tongue around over
the tip."  Kirk groaned and pushed himself into the willing mouth with
his hips.  "Pull off for a moment," he said as he felt the assent
going too fast.  "Keep using your hand though," he added when all
stimulation ceased.  The gentle stroking resumed.  "It's best when you
don't reach climax too quickly."  "Ah, so the optimum experience is
where one is held as close to completion as possible for as long as
possible."  Kirk nodded.  "Do you wish me to utilize oral stimulation
again?"  Kirk nodded again.  Kirk watched and felt the warm mouth
wrapping again around his head.  "Keep rubbing with your hand," he
instructed quietly.  Spock complied, grasping the base with an oiled
hand while his tongue continued it's enticing ministrations.  Kirk's
breathing became ragged.  "Can you take more of me into your mouth?"
Spock complied with the request, by lowering his mouth over him and
taking his head into his throat.  "Oh, Spock."  Kirk groaned, as the
hot throat swallowed against the glans.  Spock pulled off slowly and
Kirk tossed about on the bed.  Spock removed his mouth and continued
with just his hand.  "I can feel when you are close."  Spock said
observing the erection now with scientific interest.  Kirk moved his
hips against the warm hand.  His voice was rough, "Please finish
me..."  Spock slid his mouth back over the erection, and feeling Kirk
approach the peak, slowed enticingly.  This time as Spock's throat
closed over the head, Kirk came.  He cried out and thrust
uncontrollably upward for half a minute.  Spock matched his thrusts as
the salty tang of semen coated his tongue.  Kirk sighed and relaxed in
the afterglow.  He watched his new lover turn around and lay beside
him.  Kirk grinned and pulled the other against him.  Spock pulled his
robe over both of them.  "You are satisfied?" Spock asked.  "Gods,
yes." Kirk replied. "Are you?"

**** They wrestled across the floor, Spock's superior strength easily
winning.  He picked the human up and set him on the bed, then sitting
on him to prevent escape.  Spock towered over him and Kirk's cock
throbbed at the domination.  A gentle hand brushed his cheek as the
other grasped his erection.  "I believe you are enjoying yourself,
Mr. Spock."  Kirk teased.  "I discern that of you as well, Captain."
the Vulcan returned.  He continued the rubbing until he could detect
Kirk approaching the edge.  He paused to fold Kirk's unresisting legs
against his chest.  At Kirk's questioning look he replied, "I wish to
feel your climax inside of you."  Kirk smiled and sighed as Spock
poured oil over his scrotum and it ran down between his buttocks.
Warm oiled fingers followed.  Spock rubbed the underside of Kirk's
thigh affectionately as his fingers probed at his anus.  He positioned
himself, legs spread before Kirk and lifted the Human's hips onto his
thighs.  Kirk kept his legs folded up on top of himself and tried to
relax as he felt the large head pressing into him.  The double ridges
opened him wide and the sensation of fulfillment made Kirk sigh.  When
he finished gently pulling the cool Human over his erection, Spock
reached between Kirk's legs and resumed stroking the other's phallus.
"I believe if I feel your completion I will be able to complete within
you."  Spock said, moving his hips in time with his strokes.  Kirk
closed his eyes and sighed as he felt the edge of pleasure looming.
Spock's second ridge was rubbing wonderfully against his prostrate.
Kirk stiffened first followed by Spock, who had to force himself to
continue stroking the erection before him, the pleasure so blocked all
other sensations.  All at once he was both Kirk being penetrated and
stroked and Spock dominating and sheathed.  Kirk's orgasm piled
against his own, bouying it, pushing it higher.







The concentrated silence of the bridge crew was broken suddenly by
Kirk crying out in pain.  The stunned crew turned to see him doubled
over in his chair, his face a mask of horror and fear.

"Mr. Chekov," he managed to gasp, "locate Mr. Spock on the planet."

"Aye, Sir," the rapidly composed Ensign replied.  After a moment he
added, "Got him, sir."

"It's a weak signal, isn't it?"  Kirk managed, his face twisted
in pain.  

"Yes, sir."  

"When you get a solid lock on him," Kirk paused
to gasp for air, "beam him up."  

Lt. Uhura interrupted, "Captain, I have Doctor McCoy reporting to the
Bridge. . . "

"No!  Have him report to the transporter room. . . medical emergency."
He tried to stand, "And Leiutenant-"

"Sir?"  Uhura replied, moving to help him.  

"Take the con . . . " Kirk gasped as he collapsed to the deck.  

For just a second she hesitated in shock, before moving to check that
the captain was still breathing.

"Mr. Sulu, yellow alert. Mr. Scott, get someone from medical up here."

"Aye, Sir," They replied and turned to their stations. The yellow
alert began flashing.

"Mr. Chekov, do you have Mr. Spock?"  The implications of the previous
scene were beginning to sink in.

"He's beaming up now."  

"Life reading?"

"Weak," he paused, "very weak."  

Mr. Scott was bending over
the captain, checking the pulse for himself.  "What do ya think, Love?
They seem ta be connected or something."  

"I noticed that."  She said
as the lift doors opened to reveal Dr. Radell and two orderlies.  They
rushed down to the command circle.  Radell's scanner was running.

"What happened?"  She asked, looking between Uhura and Scott.  "Put
him on the stretcher," she ordered to the others on the med-team.

"It's hard to explain..."  Uhura began, then stalled.  

"I think
Doctors McCoy and M'benga will know what is, Ma'am."  Scott explained.

The stretcher was heading for the lift, "Who's in command now?" Radell
asked.  

"I am, Doctor," Uhura replied.  

"Sickbay will report as soon
as it knows anything, Sir."  And with that the med-team hustled off of
the bridge.  

The bridge was very silent as Uhura took the center seat.
Scott was still standing beside her in support.  Her thoughts were
spinning. "Mr. Chekov, what's going on down on the planet right now?"

Chekov sat away from the viewer and shrugged. "Not'ing at the moment.
There was some brief fighting, but it is quiet now."  

"Any surface to space weapons?"

Chekov bent back over the viewer, "A few.  None are powered at dis
time."

"Keep an eye on them."


Sickbay was in controlled chaos.  People were moving everywhere.
M'benga was bending over the severly damaged form of the first
officer, laser scalpel working rapidly.  

"Full life support is
engaged, Doctor."  Nurse Chapel stated.  

McCoy was dressing to join
the surgery when the body of his captain was wheeled in.  "What
happened?"  He demanded of Dr. Radell.  

"He passed out on the bridge,"
she replied as McCoy bent over Kirk with a scanner.  "I don't detect
anything physically wrong."  

"Oh my God. . . "  McCoy started.  "Try to
get him conscious.  Nothing severe, though."  

"We don't know what's
wrong. . ."  

"I do, just follow orders, I'll be in surgery.  Inform me
of any change in his status."  He yelled behind him as he strode
rapidly from the room.  

McCoy moved in across from M'Benga, and began
sealing wounds and applying a series of protein growth compounds to
the damaged organs.  

"There is another development," he said to the
other surgeon.  

"The captain is unconscious."  

"The capt. . . ?"  M'Benga began, then understood.  "I was not
aware..."  He said, bending farther into his work.

"It's fairly recent."  Chapel was looking rapidly from one surgeon to
the other.  "I told Radell to try and wake him up."  McCoy said.

"That would be best," M'Benga replied. "If it is possible."


McCoy staggered out of surgery into the patient area.  He leaned
heavily against the doorframe.  

"Bones?"  A weak voice called to him.

McCoy was suddenly wide awake and at Kirk's beside.  "We couldn't wake
you up earlier, Jim. . . "  

"Spock?"  The fear in Kirk's face was almost
too much to bear.  McCoy sat down on the edge of Kirk's bed, "He made
it through surgery, now he has to make it through a healing trance."

Kirk struggled to sit up.  "I have to see him.  Help me up."  

McCoy
stood up and pulled Kirk to his feet.  Keeping a hand under Kirk's arm
he led him to the intensive care unit.  Kirk sat heavily in the chair
beside the bed.  

"The bastards, how could I have trusted them for even
one minute."  

"Jim. . . "  McCoy said, "if you're just going to sit here
blaming yourself, I will personally sedate you back into
unconsciousness."  

Kirk kept quiet.  Instead he reached out to lay his
hand on the uninjured one before him.  "I can't feel him anymore,
Bones.  What if he's already gone?"  

"He can't be completely gone, he
isn't on total life support right now.  All we're doing is
supplementing the oxygenation and purification of his blood."  

The first look of hope crossed Kirk's face since he'd woken up.  He
gingerly lifted the hand near him and held it between his own.  As
Kirk closed his eyes in concentration, McCoy silently left the
unit. He needed to rest in the event he was needed again.


//Spock!// Kirk called mentally.  The Vulcan had told him he was
capable of projecting his thoughts, he tried desperately to do so now.

A dark fog assaulted his mind, he pressed forward even though he had
no idea where he was, or even if he had fallen back to sleep and was
dreaming.  

The fog cleared somewhat, and he called out again.  The
place he was in was only somewhat disordered.  He walked forward.
Memories that were not his own flickered through his mind.  Scientific
knowledge, only some of which Kirk could understand.  

Maybe this
wasn't the right way to go.  Where would Spock be?  He headed off in
another direction, one which looked less ordered.  The next memory
stopped him cold, he was seeing himself, brash and commanding.  He
didn't recognize the mission.  Is that how I really appear to people?
Kirk wondered.  

More memories of himself came up as he travelled
forward.  Would Spock really seek refuge here?  Maybe Kirk had managed
to call him here.  The memories were becoming more personal, and Kirk
smiled unconsciously.  He turned and passed through an opening of some
kind and stopped he was so startled.  Spock sat curled in the corner,
wearing a tattered starfleet uniform, staring at nothing.  

//Spock?// 

The other looked at him, disbelieving.  //T'hy'la?// 

Kirk moved to him and took him in his arms.  No injuries were apparent.  Spock stared at
him, as Kirk picked him up.  After conjuring a soft bed, Kirk placed
him on it, and sat beside him.  

//How?  How are you here Jim?// Spock
looked around, //I was alone with the pain.  I thought it was over.  I
wanted to be here with you. . . so I came here.// 

//I'm here for you,
Spock.  You must come back with me.// Spock shook his head, //I am too
weak.// 

//You must enter a healing trance.// 

//I am in a light one
now.  But I am losing the battle.// Spock seemed to be concentrating
on something far away.  //T'hy'la, you must go.  Or you will be pulled
down with me.// 

//No, I'm not leaving you.  There must be something I
can do.// Spock turned away.  //What is it Spock?  I know there's
something.// He grabbed the Vulcan by the shoulders.  //"T'hy'la."
That's it isn't it.  I heard you call me that in my mind once before,
I asked the computer for a translation.  It has an ancient meaning.
You need me as a bondmate, don't you?// 

Spock was gasping for air, he
didn't look at Kirk.  //I cannot. . . ask.  Go!// 

//I'm offering!// Kirk
insisted.  //Besides, I don't know how I got into your mind let alone
how to get out.// 

Spock turned to him slowly.  

//Please,
Spock. . . T'hy'la.// Kirk pleaded.  

Spock's hand reached out to Kirk's
face and the Human felt the Vulcan's presence suffusing his being.
Kirk gathered the form of his lover close and kissed it passionately.
He felt their formless bodies merging and pulled his beloved tighter.


McCoy re-entered the intensive unit.  "Full life support now?"  He
asked, looking at the monitor.  

"Yes," M'Benga replied.  They both
turned to the statue-like form of the captain.  

"You shouldn't have
left him alone."  

"Spock was unconscious, what could he do?"  McCoy
defended himself as he examined the unmoving human.  Tear streaks were
on Kirk's face.  "Was he crying?"  

"Yes.  It is a very deep meld."

M'Benga made notes from the monitor.  "If we lose Spock we lose them
both."  

McCoy looked at his two silent friends.  "How did Jim manage
it?"  

"He may have called Spock to consciousness, though the monitor
doesn't seem to have recorded it."  

"Maybe, but Spock wouldn't have
risked Jim's life this way."


They separated, a golden web stringing between them. Spock pushed him
away farther. 

//You must go.// 

Fear rippled out of Kirk. 

//I will be
all right now, I have your strength.// Spock said in reassurance.  

//I
still don't know how to leave.// 

//You do from me.// Spock said. //I need to be
alone in the trance. I will return to you, I promise.// 

Kirk ached, but backed away. Spock stood painfully. Kirk had to fight
himself to not return to help him.  He continued to back away until
something inside told him it was safe to close himself off from the
meld which he did with great effort.  

He opened his eyes.  He neck and arms were stiff. A med scanner waved
in front of his chest. He waved it away as if it were an annoying
insect. If he had ever been more exhausted he couldn't remember the
occasion.

"Bones?" he said, hopefully.

"Right here, Jim."

Kirk couldn't seem to proces his visual sense very well, he felt
half-blind. He tried to stand. "Bones?  Give me a hand. . ."

McCoy slipped Kirk's arm over his own shoulder and helped him to his
feet. Kirk let himself be guided to the next bed. He used his hands to find
it.

"Are you blind, Jim?" McCoy asked, switching on the scanner.

"No. Not really," Kirk said to the ceiling. "I can see, I just can't
comprehend what I am seeing. I'll be all right." He spoke as if in a
trance. 

McCoy covered him with a blanket.

"Spock said he'd be okay now," Kirk said in a tired voice.

McCoy patted Kirk's shoulder patronizingly. "That's good. You should go to
sleep now."

"I can't lose him, Bones."

"None of us wants to lose him, Jim."

Kirk shook his head. "I can't go back to being alone, again," he lamented.

"We'll take care of him, Jim. You just rest."