Title: Losing It
Author: Dread Nought
Codes: K/S
Rating: PG-13
Series: TOS
Summary: A mission to a potential new Federation member planet is
kinda rough on the captain.

Feedback:  All kinds welcome
Archive:  Any, drop me a line.

Warning: This story contains implied homosexual desire.  If you have a
problem with this, don't read farther.

Disclaimer: These characters are owned by Paramount, Viacom, and who
 knows maybe Desilu Studios as well. This is an amateur work. I make
 no money from this. It is not intended to provoke the dark forces of
 the copyright lawyers.

------------------
Losing It

Spock came to awareness slowly, as though he had been drugged. He
reached blindly around himself and grabbed hold of some kind of
netting beside him, surrounding him. It required a few moments of
patience, but eventually he managed to come to his senses and open his
eyes.  Beyond the netting, he saw alien equipment set up in a
haphazard fashion. He forced his eyes to focus on the backs of the
blue-skinned Remni working at the cabling.

Spock shook his head to clear it.  The last thing he remembered was
speaking with the town elders in a meeting house.  Perhaps the food
had been drugged.  Spock's temples throbbed from whatever had rendered
him unconscious.

He used the netting to pull himself further upright and froze when he
saw his captain laid out a stone slab padded with a wide, native,
grass mattress. Sensors encircled Kirk's wrists and ankles and
some of his fingertips.

"What are you doing?" Spock demanded hoarsely.

The Remni ignored him.  Spock tested the netting with a hard tug.  It
was hooked into the ceiling and the base of the platform he was on. It
held firm. He examined the netting closely; it was made of some kind
of mollusk beard, tough as wire. He tried to pick it apart with his
fingernail and his teeth, but a resin had been applied to the tight
weave, leaving no gaps to pull on.

"Captain," Spock called several times, but Kirk remained still. Glimpsed
through equipment stands and cables, Spock could see his captain's chest
rising and falling slowly.

The two natives pulled some kind of apparatus around. When they bent
over their exoskeleton stood out prominently from their backs. They
had a primitive endoskeleton as well in their limbs which moved
delicately over the controls.

Some kind of power source came online and a hum filled the
room before quieting. A diamond of layered film mounted around a frame
in front of the Remni lit up.  Spock squinted at the device. Movement
appeared on the screen in a strangely colored series of layers. Spock
had to concentrate hard to make sense of the display.  It seemed to be
the Enterprise bridge, he finally decided, seen through a totally
alien vision system. The Remni were of course using a display to match
their vision capability, which apparently broke down parts of the
electro-magnetic spectrum that Spock was not accustomed to seeing.

The Remni seemed to be debating about visual angle. Spock saw the
bridge from Kirk's command chair then from a point high in the air at
a forty-five degree angle to the floor.  Were they tapping into the
Enterprise's internal sensors? Spock wondered.  Remni technology had
been listed as a threat level of .2 which was essentially
non-existent. Their technology level overall barely qualified them to
be outside the Prime Directive.

Spock again tried to get their attention to no avail. 

The scene on the display was shaking now and flashing. Spock realized
it was a red alert and that there was a faint soundtrack to the scene.
One of the Remni tweaked the controls and the sound came up louder,
though it sounded flattened as though Remni ears had no need for the
higher frequencies.  The Enterprise was in trouble. Spock concentrated
hard on the display to discern what was going on. Kirk was in the scene, it 
must be an old tape of the bridge, Spock thought, though not from any angle
that the Enterprise had a recorder.

Spock puzzled this over as the scene became more harried. Kirk shouted
orders to Sulu at navigation. More evasive than offense, Spock thought
as the ship was obviously hit. The display darkened as the bridge lost
power momentarily.  Spock could match no memory of his to these
precise events.

The scene scanned suddenly fast forward before slowing again. He
himself was in the scene, advising calmly on the situation. Kirk stood
beside the command chair. The air on the bridge was growing smokey
indicating that life-support was down. Spock felt an odd emotion as he
saw Kirk and himself on the screen lock eyes in understanding of their
situation.

Spock's brow furrowed. In the scene they were fighting the Klingons,
but no battle had played out this way. Torpedoes again rocked the
ship, causing the artificial gravity to weaken and tilt. An explosion
took out the rear consoles, tossing Uhura and himself halfway across
the bridge. Kirk ducked the debris and gave orders to Sulu and Chekov
as he bent to check on Spock. The image of Kirk froze in a kind of
horror over Spock's form as he put his hand on the other's chest.

Kirk's actual figure on the slab moaned and clenched his hand.

Spock stood fully and leaned hard against the netting. "Why are you doing
this?" he demanded. "Stop this." He lost his feet when a jolt of electrical current
ran through him from the pedestal beneath him. So at least his captors could
understand him, Spock thought as he tangled his hand in the netting to pull
himself upward again.

On the display Kirk was turning away from Spock's body on the deck and
answering a hail from engineering.  The words "warp core" floated out
over the static. Like an automaton, Kirk thumbed for the shipwide comm and
announced an evacuation to the planet. Sulu and Chekov turned to him with
sad, defeated expressions.

Again the scene raced ahead, then back a little. The bridge was
emptying. Kirk urged the junior officers off of the bridge. Sulu and
Chekov gingerly carried an unconscious Uhura off with them. Kirk's gaze fell
on his fallen first officer and he went over to him and crouched beside him.
He put a hand on one blue-clad shoulder and squeezed in distress.

Scotty's voice interrupted. "You've just got time to git down here
Captain. I'm waitin' on ye' in the transporter room." 

Pausing only half a second, Kirk dashed for the access tube. Before
his head went out of sight he stopped to say, "I'm sorry, Spock," to
the body on the deck.

From inside the access tube, Kirk slid down large sections of
rungs. The ship shuddered and creaked ominously.  He took his
communicator off his belt and yelled into it. "Go Scotty, go! Don't
wait for me, please!"  He ran down the corridor. The door to the
transporter room was propped open, the dials set. Kirk hit them and
jumped onto the platform. He dissolved and rearranged. Just as he was
completing rematerialization, Kirk's body jerked as the ship exploded.
He fell to his knees on the rocky ground, gasping, seeming to will his
molecules to stay together.

He looked up into the sunny sky but didn't see any sign of the ship
entering atmosphere. He took stock around himself and started walking due
west--the direction the rest of the crew would have materialized
in as the planet rotated out from under the ship in an unpowered
orbit.

Spock hung against the netting, stunned. He couldn't understand what
he was seeing. Was this some kind of torture? He gazed in concern at
what he could see of Kirk, lying tense and surrounded by strange
equipment.

The display showed an accelerated scene again. Spock began to suspect
that the real-time scenes were being buffered and slowed and that Kirk
was experiencing it all at this breakneck pace.

Kirk walked and walked. The scrubland offered no fresh water.  He
began squeezing roots out for moisture. He pace slowed as he grew
weary in the afternoon sun.  Finally, he found a tall rock for shade
and sat heavily beneath it. He pulled his knees up against his chest
and wrapped his arms around his shins and rested his head on his
knees. The scene slowed to real-time and Spock watched as a breeze
ruffled Kirk's hair. Kirk lifted his head and stared out across from
himself with a disturbingly empty expression. To Spock's eye, he
looked on the verge of tears.

Kirk tilted his head back against the smooth rock and moaned Spock's
name despairingly.

Spock stopped breathing. The loss of his ship, untold crew and Kirk
was lamenting his own absence. Spock swallowed hard and took an
unconsciously deep breath.

Kirk appeared to sleep and the scene flew by to make up
time. Eventually, in the late evening, Kirk started out again. As it
grew dark he looked for stars to use for night-time navigation.  It
finally grew too dark on the moonless landscape to see the rough
ground. Kirk found another stone shelter from the wind and again
resumed his self-comforting position.

Within a half-hour, real-time, morning arrived for Kirk. During his
morning hike he began to look around the landscape periodically for
other crew. Kirk walked again until the heat of the afternoon made him
stop.  He started to watch for something edible. He had no tricorder
or supplies whatsoever. He appeared to hold off on actually tasting
anything until it became absolutely necessary.

By evening green hills appeared far in the distance. Kirk spent five
more days walking toward them. They were the edge of a small river
valley. He bathed and washed his clothes, constantly on the lookout for
crew. Occasionally he even called aloud. He spent two days in
this idyllic spot, recovering from his injuries. It was a good spot for
others to gather at; Kirk must have assumed others would be drawn to its
greenery.  He spent long hours on top of a high boulder looking for any
signs of life, coming down only for water.

The scene slowed as he appeared to decide to continue on across more
scrubland to a distant mountain range.  Hunger was becoming a problem,
and Kirk was actually looking leaner on the display. He wrapped some
hard fruit that he hadn't tried in a large leaf threaded closed with .
He set these aside and stripped to wash his uniform one last time. He
bent over the river edge, repeatedly ringing out his tunic. He then rang
it out over the air and spread it out on a large boulder to dry.  The
sight of the uniform laid out like that broke something inside of Kirk,
he bent over, pressing his face against his arm. "I'm sorry, Spock. I'm
sorry," he said in a breaking voice.

"Please don't do this to him," Spock pleaded and almost braced himself in
time before the painful current coursed through him again, making
him clench the net spasmodically.

Twelve hours and seventeen minutes into their activity with Kirk, the
Remni took a break. Spock watched carefully as they powered down the
equipment.  Kirk's unconscious body's needs were attended to with
rough care. Spock winced to observe what he could of it.  The
Remni then brought him a portable facility and water, turning the
voltage on high enough to paralyze him while they unhooked the netting.
Spock ignored both.

The break was only an hour and the equipment was powered up
again. Kirk continued his hungry march across the alien planet's
surface.  The fact that he hadn't encountered anyone apparently had
worn on him enough. He bent down with a stick and made some quick
calculations in the dirt with the planet's diameter, rotational speed,
and the Enterprise's last orbital vector. Kirk rechecked his
calculation and dropped the stick. He should have met at least eight
crewmembers, unless they were making very good time westward--the
direction the second half of the beamdown crew was instructed to head.

Kirk gazed around himself from a high point for a very long time
before starting out again. He ate his fruit that evening, to his
visible disgust.  The fruit made him wretch bile a few hours later as
though his stomach had accepted its contents but still wanted to make
a point. He shivered as he tried to sleep without shelter.

The scene fast-forwarded again for several days. Kirk reached the
bottom of a cliff.  He walked along it for much of the day, looking
for a good pathway up. He found a crevice that would work and stared
at it and then at his hands, shaking with hunger. Kirk's body on the
slab jerked suddenly.  Spock realized with dread that he was going to
fall when he attempted to climb, but the display had not yet reached
that point.

Indeed, his first and second attempts resulted in painful slides down
the rock face, with Kirk sacrificing his hands in a vain attempt to
slow his fall.  He gave up at that point and walked back a few hours
to a cluster of trees he had passed earlier.  They were nut bearing
and Kirk grimly shook some down and smashed a handful of them open
between two rocks.  He ate them without hesitating and waited.  He
found a comfortable place to sleep which he lined with leaves. He
slept soundly as the display zipped past.

The nuts produced no ill effects, so Kirk ate a small pile of them and
crushed many more and wrapped them in the large leaves he had used to
carry the fruit. Feeling stronger later in the day he returned to the
crevice and climbed it with determination.

The cliff led to a wide mesa. On the far side fair-weather cumulus
hovered, promising water and plant life. Kirk headed out for it. The
display zipped through the rest of the day and much of the next before
Kirk stopped and the display slowed. Kirk stared at the distant mesa
edge then looked behind him, gauging the distance he had traveled
since reaching the top.

Spock clenched the netting in anger. The Remni were making the mesa
edge and clouds remain at the same distance, no matter how far Kirk
walked. Indeed, Kirk was rubbing his eyes and regauging the two
distances. He started out again, eventually, continuing west.

After another break, they tormented Kirk for another two days of
virtual time. Kirk had actually reached the point where he simply sat
down on the uneven rock and didn't move for almost an hour.

Anger welled up in Spock at the scene. The Remni were going to continue
until they broke his captain. Primitive violence surged through Spock,
his vision tinted green and he let it flow into him. He clutched the
netting and pulled as he came to his feet, and felt it give a little. He
looked down and saw that four strips had pulled out of the pedestal. His
eyes darted up to the backs of the Remni and their humming equipment.
They took no notice of their caged captive.

Spock shifted his grip to put the maximum force on the next strands
and pulled again.  Another one broke free. With a surge of all of his
strength, Spock broke the whole side loose and leapt under the edge. He
went straight for the Remni, finding a nerve spot on the closer one on
the second try.  The other backed away from him, soft front appendages
up in defense to no avail.

Replaying from memory the sequence to shut down the system, Spock
powered the devices down.  As he moved around to Kirk's unconscious
form, he heard one of the neck-pinched Remni hiss and move around. Spock
lifted Kirk into his arms and as he went past, kicked over the power
generator.  The Remni had risen and leveled some kind of weapon at Spock
as he retreated toward what he hoped was the door.  His captor spoke in
Remni and Spock ignored it and departed. He ran to the end of the
corridor and had to rest Kirk on the floor as he worked the door.  He
could hear the shuffling footsteps of their captors grow closer, so
Spock ripped the last two locks out of the mud plaster with his fingers and
lifted Kirk and ran out into the dusky world outside.

Wind and sand struck Spock and his burden immediately. He ducked his
head and pressed on as fast as possible down the street. No one else was
out. He reached the edge of town and squinted at the flat desolation
beyond.  He turned and saw no pursuers. He had to find shelter from the
wind--one of the huts along the street would have to do.  Spock carried
Kirk around the side of a smaller one and crouched down in the crux of a
stone wall and the curved side of the hut.

Spock leaned back against the wall and pulled Kirk against himself.
The wind had only increased, deafening Spock. In the fading light he
could just make out Kirk's closed eyes. Using his hands, Spock
examined Kirk, pulling off the remaining leads and checking his pulse
and respiration.

It grew colder as it grew darker.  Spock held his captain in a
position where the human could breath in the warm air from against
Spock's chest.  Several times as the temperature plummeted, Spock
imagined that he himself had been hooked to the simulation machine and
was now being tormented.

Light fell across Spock's closed eyelids. He squinted up into the
blowing sand and jerked when he saw a Remni standing before him. The
Remni beckoned him into the next hut.  The cold had grown critical for
both himself and Kirk, Spock had no choice but to follow.  The Remni
led him down into the subearthen dirt floor area in the center of the
hut. A small fire burned in a ceramic fireplace.  Spock knelt near it,
testing the temperature for his unconscious captain.

Their Remni host brought over one of their standard mattresses of tied
grass and Spock lowered Kirk onto it. Violet eyes considered Spock for
a while before fetching two of the tapestries down from the wall and
handing them to him. Spock wrapped one around himself and covered Kirk
with the other. They were stiff but warm from the radiant heat of the
ceramic chimney behind them. Spock considered that their purpose may
have been to keep the hut a little cooler.

Spock fought his shivers and examined Kirk in the dim light. He wished
fervently for a tricorder. Kirk must have been drugged with something
powerful enough to keep him out during the simulation, but still aware
at some subconscious level.

"Jim," Spock called to him. Kirk twitched. Spock coaxed him awake,
calling his name and patting his shoulder.

Kirk's eyes snapped open and he gasped. He looked at Spock in near horror.
His mouth formed his name, but couldn't seem to vocalize for a moment.
"Spock!" Kirk said in confusion and tried to sit up.

"Lie down, Captain." Spock pressed him back.  Kirk looked around himself
with a disconcerted expression while reaching out and grasping Spock's arms.

"You're real," he said in joy.

"Yes, Captain," Spock stated in his that-is-quite-obvious voice

Kirk's hand squeezed harder and his mouth worked silently again. "You're
actually here?"

Spock bent over him and touched his face. "Yes, Jim." He was rewarded
with a tear falling swiftly from the corner of Kirk's eye.

"Jim," Spock said soothingly, "everything is all right."

Kirk dried his eye with a quick brush of his hand and looked around
himself again. "Where are we?"

"We are on Searnus One. We were instructed to make the inhabitants an
offer of Federation Pre-Membership. Something went wrong and the natives
seem to have decided to run some kind of simulation personality test on
you. That is why you are confused about events."

"Searnus One?" Kirk's brow furrowed in confusion. He relaxed against the
mattress and gazed at Spock's face, lit demonically from below by the
fire. "I could just be dreaming you," he said sadly.

Spock grasped Kirk's cool hand and squeezed hard enough to cause Kirk
discomfort.  "I am here Jim. The Enterprise is waiting for us to
call--if we can locate the communicators."

"The Enterprise," Kirk whispered and closed his eyes.

Spock lifted Kirk's wrist and counted his pulse and respiration. "How do
you feel, Jim?" he asked, laying the back of his hand against Kirk's
forehead. The human seemed to have recovered from the cold.

"Tired. But I'll be all right," Kirk replied without opening his eyes.


Their host, reacting to their falling quiet, approached timidly.
Short eyestalks bent and unbent as the Remni looked them over before
moving away. It began taking things out of woven baskets and
arranging food in a bowl. Lastly it poured water into a taller bowl
and then brought both over.  It set them on the hard-packed floor near
them then backed away again and pantomimed an eating motion.

"Does that seem edible at all?" Kirk asked. "I am famished."

"It is a fermented grain paste and some pickled vegetables.  It seems
safe from my studies of the flora surveys."

Kirk leaned up on his elbow and accepted the bowl. "I haven't eaten
much in. . . " Kirk trailed off.

"You haven't eaten anything since we were taken prisoner. Your memory
at the moment is not trustworthy."

Kirk ate a few fingers' full before pausing to stare at the
floor. "How long. . . have I been out of it?"

"Fifty-seven hours, twelve minutes."

Kirk shook his head and resumed eating. "Do you want some?"

"You may have it, Captain."

Kirk paused again. "I thought. . . " He sighed and then grimaced. "I
keep thinking I must be dreaming this, you.  I lost you weeks ago."

Spock put his hand on Kirk's shoulder and held it there releasing only
when Kirk shifted to put the empty bowls aside. Kirk rested again on the
mattress, using his arms as a pillow. Spock watched him fall into a
light sleep.

The door opened to a blast of wind and another Remni entered and
stared at them. The recent arrival said something in Spock's direction
and then approached them. After the Remni had repeated the same phrase
three times, Spock realized the native was speaking in heavily
accented Standard.

"You healthy?" the Remni repeated again.

"I am unharmed--my captain is hurt," Spock replied, gesturing at Kirk
on the mattress.

"I'm all right, Spock," Kirk said as if from deep in a dream.

The two Remni spoke rapidly together. The new arrival approached
closer with care and looked them both over thoroughly before looking
back at their host.  Spock knew he and Kirk must seem as strange as
the Remni looked to him. He had been trying to remain as unthreatening
as possible.

"You safe," the Remni said.

Spock nodded. "We are grateful for that," he said. Frustration grated
on him that with just their communicators he could take Kirk to real
safety.

The Remni's finger-like appendages on its arms moved nervously as it
considered what else to say. Eventually it slumped slightly. "No
agreement," it finally said.

Spock lifted his chin.  He didn't recognize this Remni from the small
meeting with the town elders when they first arrived. Their mission
had been to introduce the idea of Federation membership. Spock wasn't
certain if this comment pertained to that proposal or to something
else.  At the silence, the Remni's digits moved faster.

Their other host said something and the closer Remni pulled out a
small computer pad. It keyed on it a moment, then said, "You
threat. Scientists no like."

"Yes," Spock said, understanding.

"No agreement," the Remni repeated. Then considered them. "You need?"

"Our communicators," Spock replied. At the blank stare he received Spock
tried to describe the communicators using hand motions.  The Remni
finally handed him the computer pad.  Spock spent a few minutes
learning the interface, then pulled up a crude drawing program and
sketching an isometric image of a communicator. He handed the pad back
and explained the colors by pointing to objects in the hut.

The Remni peered at it and then put the pad away in a pouch strung on
its waist.  It then settled in beside the other near the wall of the
hut, watching them.

"They are so stiff," Mrenw said to Hra Dre. "Yet soft--it is very
disconcerting."

Hra Dre adjusted her computer pouch and settled back against the dirt
wall.  "Haka had no right to study them that way.  They have
spaceships that travel in subspace. They have weapons we cannot
imagine and Haka thinks it is rational to strap them down to test
them.  They could destroy us in retaliation."

Mrenw looked at her with turned in eyestalks. "You think they will
punish us all?" she asked in fear.

"Their laws say they cannot or what I have been able to read of
them. We are light-years away from their administration. Anything
could happen."

Mrenw gazed at the humanoids in fear. "I gave them food. Do you think
they will remember that?"

"I do not mean to frighten you, Mrenwsha. I am merely complaining about
Haka's stupidity."

They watched as the darker one straightened the tapestry over the
lighter-colored sleeping one, then smooth the strange hair bundles on
its head. They must cut it to make it so straight at the edge. The
thought made Hra Dre squirm.

"They are litter sisters?"

"They are both male."

"Males that talk?" Mrenw asked in shock.

"Both of their genders are like this, according to the biology
records they gave us."

Mrenw tried to imagine the squirming, scuttling little males in the
central pen as walking, intelligent things and couldn't fathom it.

The lighter humanoid woke suddenly and required reassurance. 

"Haka did this to her, him?" Mrenw asked. Hra Dre shook her ear cones
in confirmation. "What if their clan come looking for them? They will
think we have harmed them."

"Mrenw, please don't worry about that. I think these two will make
sure there is no confusion. They seem calm and rational."

Silence fell between them.  Hra Dre slept lightly, the Standard she
had tried to teach herself over the last moon swirled in her dreams.

Daylight arrived with a calming of the wind. Hra Dre listened to the
murmured conversation of the aliens but could only catch a word every
few sentences. 

"Welsey should have sent a rescue party by now," Kirk whispered.

"We are just at the sixty hour limit, Captain, our crisis check-in
deadline. Welsey wants to limit contact even though we are proposing
Federation membership. He may decide to wait, if our lifesign signals
remain strong on the sensors."

"Maybe you could make yours look weak and trigger a response," Kirk
suggested.

"An interesting idea, Captain."
 
The door banged open and the council elder stepped in. "I should have
known," she said upon seeing Hra Dre.

Hra Dre stood up. "They ran into the storm to escape Haka's lab, to give
you some idea of their perceived danger there." She turned one eyestalk
to watch the darker one stand between the newcomers and its companion.

"Haka says she has not harmed them."

"Haka does not know enough about them to make that determination." She
said this even though Haka had entered. The fairer one had also stood
but the darker one made sure it stayed back.

"You were required to report their location to us," Haka said in a
high-pitched whine that indicated extreme anger.

"I agreed to nothing."

Elder Refd stepped between them. "An agreement of the council is an
agreement of all."

Hra Dre's ear cones angled forward in sarcastic doubt. 

"You may live elsewhere, though no one will vouch for you, Hra Dre,"
Refd said.

Hra Dre's ears shifted back to neutral. "With Federation membership
anyone can live elsewhere, out of reach of your draconian socialist
rules. Or is that the problem?"

"The council decided," Refd stated as if that were the end of the
issue. She stepped aside and let Haka's student assistants, who were
armed with snare bows, into the hut, which was getting crowded.

Spock crouched, alert. Behind him Kirk asked, "I take it we don't have
the translator either?"  

A snare bow fired and Spock lifted his arm to block it.  He succeeded
in keeping the weighted cords from tying him up completely.  The
barbed cords tore at his uniform and skin as he pushed it away from
himself. Kirk charged the Remni with the remaining loaded bow. He hit
it in the midsection and was felled by some kind of electrical grip
the Remni had strapped to its tentacles.

Spock tossed the clinging snare aside and leaped forward to assist his
captain. His head spun as he took a step and his last thought was that
the barbs stung more than they should and that perhaps they were
poison-tipped.


Spock returned to consciousness with effort.  He was again inside the
netted cage. With pain-dulled vision he took in the repairs to the
netting, they looked firm. Again the Remni's simulation was running
through the events on the bridge and the ship was being overwhelmed by
the Klingons.  Spock fought strong emotions of despair and anger. He
started to pull himself to his feet and was stunned by a strong current
back to the base of the pedestal. His vision tunneled down and he fell
limp long before the current shut off.

The next time he regained awareness, Spock moved only subtly to study his
surroundings without being noticed. On the display screen the Remni were up
to simulating the the first days of Kirk's planetfall.

A twisted anger balled up in Spock's midsection before he could wrap
it in a blanket of control. The netting was now tied tightly to a
metal bar which was tied to the pedestal. Its strength Spock estimated
to be two point one four times stronger than before.

As he watched Kirk's still form a disruption rolled through the lab.
Several Remni swarmed into the room, pushing the scientists away from
their controls with just their bodies. Spock risked raising his
head. He recognized Hra Dre at the head of the group and called to her
to not shut down the equipment indiscriminately.

She came over to him after pressing the scientists into
submission. They spent precious moments opening the modified cage.

Spock dragged himself to the edge of the pedestal, intent on getting to
Kirk.  Hra Dre lifted him under the arm. Spock twisted to release her
hold as her thoughts flooded into his own. "Forgive," he murmured, not
certain she would understand.  She grasped him harder and said something
in Remni before letting go.

Spock stumbled to the equipment and powered it down with care. He
examined Kirk quickly.  He seemed calmly asleep, unharmed.

Spock realized that the room had fallen silent. The Remni stood
around watching him as he bent over Kirk.  Spock turned to Hra Dre in
question.

"Erapik," she repeated. A few other Remni repeated this under their breath.
No one moved.

The broken door to the lab swung open and the members of the council filed in.
"Erapik, Erapik," a handful of Remni chanted.

"What is this?" Refd demanded.

Hra Dre intercepted them before they could reach the Starfleet
officers. "He is Erapik," she said, tentacles moving earnestly.

"Who?"

"The dark one."

Spock turned to Kirk as he felt the human grip his arm. "Spock?" Kirk
said in groggy confusion.  Spock lifted Kirk to his feet and stood him
unsteadily against the wall behind him.  "Spock, where?" Kirk started
in a pain-filled voice.

The Remni were hovering now, waiting for the council members to
react. Spock turned urgently to Kirk who barely had the strength to
stand against the wall. "Captain, I must take command of this
mission. You must trust me."

Kirk's tired eyes looked at Spock then scanned the room,
disoriented. Spock turned back to the Remni, one hand on Kirk behind
him, shielding him bodily. 

Refd stepped over to him and stared at him closely. She stated something
in Remni.  "I need the translator," Spock appealed to Hra Dre. An
argument in Remni and a scuffle with Haka and the others ensued before
the universal translator appeared.  Refd insisted upon holding it. She
finally found the power trigger.

"You did not inform us that you were Erapik. We did not know it existed
outside of Remni."

Spock looked from Refd to Hra Dre. "That word is not translating.
Explain 'Erapik'." Spock said.

"Judge, Reader, Projector," Refd said impatiently.

At Spock's continued confusion, Hra Dre added, "Of thoughts."

"I am a telepath," Spock admitted. The translator used 'Erapik' as it
rendered into Remni.

"Prove it," Refd stated.

Sighing, Spock steepled his fingers a moment and then stepped closer to
the Remni elder, reluctantly releasing his hold on his captain. "On
you?" he asked. At her nod, he reached out for the soft tissue beside
the two pieces of shell that made up the Remni head.  He just barely
touched their minds, projecting an image of the Enterprise bridge into
her mind. She stepped back away from him suddenly, severing the meld.

"You are a very strong Erapik," she stated in shock.

Kirk began sliding down the wall behind him. Spock took a chance and
turned to him, crouching before him. Spock grabbed the limp human by
the shoulders. "Captain, stay with me a little longer."

Kirk shook his head. "I can't. I can't follow what is happening."

"He was not like this at the Elders' Panel," Refd stated.

Spock snapped around to look up at the Remni. Anger overwhelmed him
and he stood up to her. "No, of course not. He was not tortured by
your machine at that point." He controlled his breathing and bent to
scoop Kirk off the floor, lifting him around the waist and holding him
standing beside him with Kirk's arm around his own shoulders. "I must take
him back to our ship."

Refd bowed and stepped backward. "Your word is law."

Spock stared at her before taking advantage of the moment to
half carry Kirk out of the building.  The sun was a pale pink in the
cloudy sky as the Remni followed them out. "I need our communicators."
Hra Dre came out with them. "Thank you," he said to her. She too bowed
to him and stepped back, giving them plenty of space.

<em>Welsey</em>, Spock thought of the commodore waiting on the
ship. "We will depart from outside of the village. Do not
follow." The Remni all bowed and Spock helped Kirk trek down the main
street towards a copse of thick brush beyond. 

As they passed the last of the huts, Kirk looked fearfully behind them
to make sure they were not followed. "We are on Searnus One?" Kirk asked
uncertainly.

"Yes, Captain. I will explain in a moment, let us get to a stopping point."

Spock led him along the dirt track until they were in the brush.  A
clearing had been cut in the middle apparently for firewood.  He led
Kirk over and sat him down on the packed soil, dismayed when Kirk held
fast to Spock's uniform tunic. Spock gently removed Kirk's hands and lay then
in his captain's lap. 

He crouched before Kirk. "Take a moment and orient yourself, Captain."

Kirk's eyes roamed over his officer. "You're hurt," Kirk said.

Spock glanced down at himself, at the micro-tears in his tunic tinged
with green at the edges.  "It is no matter." He put a hand on Kirk's
shoulder. "Do you remember what happened?"

Kirk took a deep breath. "I remember a lot of things that don't make any
sense," he whispered.

"I need to you hold together a little longer, until I can get you past
Welsey."

"You're in charge," Kirk said with a weak attempt at humor.

Spock's communicator beeped and he answered it.

"Mr. Spock! We have been trying to contact you for over two days."

"We had our equipment taken away, Lieutenant. Prepare to beam us aboard.
Spock out."

"Spock. . ." Kirk began weakly, panicked. "I need a little help."

Quickly, before the transporter could lock on. Spock simultaneously
lifted Kirk to his feet and brushed his fingers over Kirk's temple. He
didn't have much time so he merely calmed the storm of fear and
desperation in the human's mind and gave him an anchor of Spock's own
certainty to hold his panic fast to.

He stepped to the side and transporter engaged.

Kirk straightened and stepped down from the platform and seeing
Commodore Welsey he forced a smile. He sensed Spock stepping up to his
side, closer than necessary.

"You were very slow in checking in," Welsey pointed out. "Maybe you'd
take some time to tell me about it.

Kirk tilted his head in an imitation of himself, indicating that these
things happened. "Sure, in my quarters. Doctor?" Kirk's voice wavered
but Spock didn't think anyone else would have noticed.

McCoy caught the hint that he was supposed to provide backup. "I'm
with you. I hope you'll be breaking out that Saurian stuff I know you
have stashed away."

The captain turned to Spock and with just a hint of forced calm said,
"Spock, head up to the bridge and take us out of orbit."

Spock straightened and with a nod to the commodore, left the
transporter room. As the lift carried him toward the bridge he hit the
override handle and paused. Pressing the comm stud for sickbay. Nurse
Chapel answered.

"Are you alone, Nurse?" he asked.

She looked around herself in confusion. "Just a moment, I can
use Dr. McCoy's office."  After a pause she said, "Go ahead."

"I was hoping that Dr. McCoy would check in on sickbay on his
way from the transporter room."

"I haven't seen him," Chapel responded.

Spock frowned to himself in the empty turbolift. "Nurse. I need you to
do something. The captain is with the commodore, but he is not himself.
Doctor McCoy is not aware of this." Spock paused. "The captain has been
tortured and his grasp of reality is not good."

Chapel stared in shock at the comm panel on McCoy's desk. Spock's
voice continued, "I have to be on the bridge. If Dr. McCoy does not
check-in in the next three minutes so that you can pass this on to
him, go to the captain and stay with him until either Dr. McCoy can
take over or I arrive."

"Mr. Spock?" she began.

"And I would recommend taking a hypo with a sedative with you."

After a second, she acknowledged, "Yes, Sir." 

The comm light winked off indicating the connection had been cut. She
stared at the desk blankly then started to move. She went into
the next room and loaded a hypo as though on auto pilot. She hooked it
to her belt and two minutes after her conversation with the first
officer, called her relief to replace her.

Nurse Bracken arrived in just over a minute. "What's up?" she asked.

Chapel started to answer then said, "I'm not sure, actually. I'll
explain later. Strange orders." But as she said it she found herself
buzzing with excitement: They had let her into the inner sanctum of
command secrets.

"I'll explain when I get back." At the door she turned back. "I don't
know how long. . . "

Bracken waved her out with a long-suffering sigh.

Chapel practically bounded for the lift. "Deck Twelve," she
barked to the controls. 

As she stepped out onto the deck, she felt nearly joyful. But as she
reached the captain's door she realized she was going to have to
bluff. Well, hell, she thought and worried at her delay already,
decided to wing-it.

The door slid open at her chiming.  The captain, the commodore and
Doctor McCoy sat around Kirk's desk sharing a bottle of something very
blue and glowing faintly.

"Nurse Chapel," Kirk said. "Care to join us?"

Surprised, she sat down in the last chair near the door. McCoy noticed
the hypo on the back of her belt and shot her a questioning look.

"Would you like some?" Kirk asked, holding up the bottle.

"No, Sir. I am on duty," she replied.

He reached down to his lower shelf. "Some Andorian dragon-berry juice?"

Her eyes widened. "Thank you, yes." Dragon-berry was very rare and
expensive. And delicious, she discovered as she carefully sipped the
thin liquid, rolling it over her tongue slowly.

Welsey continued where he had apparently left off on some involved
story about the diplomatic mission to Orion. Chapel set down her glass
and replayed Spock's words in her mind. <em>Tortured. His grasp of
reality is poor.</em> She studied the captain: he looked mostly normal to
her, tired but not more than that.  He was hiding it well, but then
again, he hid everything well when he wanted to. 

This was a complicated dance of officers to protect the Captain. She
swelled a bit again at the honor of being given a opportunity to
contribute. The captain protected them all--it felt rewarding to be given a
chance to return the favor.

McCoy interjected something into Welsey's story and Welsey turned to
the Doctor.  In that instant, Chapel saw Kirk's look flash to despair
then slide into uncertainty. He closed his eyes a long moment before
opening them to near normalcy.

She felt a giddiness overcome her. "Doctor," she interrupted and
stood. "Don't you think the captain needs to rest after the mission."

Everyone looked at her.

"You tired, Jim?"

Kirk shrugged. "If you knew what kind of beds the Remni sleep on you
wouldn't have to ask that. Mostly gravel with a little fresh cut grass."

McCoy seemed to read more into Kirk's eyes now, despite two and a half
brandies.  He stood also.  "Yeah, Commodore. I have this lovely
eighty-year-old scotch I won in a bet, if you would care to try it?"
His invitation was not expected given that he was two ranks below the
commodore, but he banked on Welsey's tippiness.

Welsey nodded and stood. "That bet wouldn't have been with your chief
engineer, would it have?"

McCoy started for the door. "These lips tell no secrets. At least not
without a few more drinks."

Welsey followed. "Goodnight Jim. We'll talk more tomorrow, I'm sure."

Kirk stood and gave him a casual salute.

"Coming, Chapel?" McCoy asked from the doorway.

"If I can beg a moment of the captain's time, there is something I wish to 
discuss with him."

Kirk waved her to sit back down, though she remained standing.  The
door slid shut and they were alone.  After the footsteps receded down
the corridor, Chapel asked, "Are you all right, Sir?"

Kirk gave her a measuring look that broke apart. He masked it by
clearing the glasses and bottle away.

She tried again, "Mr. Spock sent me, Sir."

"Ah," Kirk said as he shut and cabinet and leaned back in his chair.

Fingering the scanner off her belt she said. "May I, Sir?" She held up
the Feinberger.

Kirk gave another shrug. Chapel walked to the edge of the desk and
leaned over to wave it in front of his chest. Thinking of McCoy's
inebriation she said, "Though, I guess as the current ranking medical
staff member I don't have to ask, do I?"

"No," Kirk agreed and studied her as she studied the readout.

"You are under extreme stress, Captain." She looked at the lines under his
eyes, his posture that was slightly off. "What happened to you,
Sir?"

Kirk looked at her with a strange affection, stood and stretched
lightly. "Spock didn't tell you?"

"His communication was short. He said you had been tortured
and. . . that your grasp of reality was poor."

"Succinct and not inaccurate," Kirk observed. 

Suddenly Chapel didn't like this task so much anymore. The captain was
supposed to be invincible, but at the moment he was weak and
vulnerable. No one should see him this way.

"You are stretching the bounds of your position," the captain observed
with a strange expression on his face.

She snapped instinctively to an approximation of attention. "Am I
being reprimanded, Sir?"

Kirk smiled and shook his head, "No, Ensign, you aren't." He looked at
her a long moment.  "You have to understand that-" he paused and came
around the desk to rest his backside against the edge and cross his
arms. "The last three days of real time have been for me six weeks of. .
. the worst I can imagine. And I know it is, because the Remni
constructed the experience from my thoughts and memories." He gazed at
her. "So every time you do something unexpected it reinforces that this
truly is real." He waved his hand to indicated the room, the ship.

Chapel digested that. "Accelerated simulation is very draining, Sir,
are you certain you do not wish to sleep?"

"I do wish to sleep," he said, but he remained where he was. "I was
wondering what that look was that McCoy gave you when you sat down."

She decided that she wasn't surprised at his powers of observation,
even under stress. "He saw this." She pulled the hypo off her belt and
held it up for him to see.

"And?"

"It is a sedative."

"McCoy can tell by the color?"

"He can tell this one by the color." She hooked it back on her
belt. "Mr. Spock suggested I bring it."

Kirk bent his head and chuckled. He straightened and said, "That is
another one I wouldn't have imagined," he said with pleasure. He
pushed away from the desk and went into the sleeping alcove. Chapel
moved to lean against the wall where she could see both halves of the
room. 

Kirk considered her a moment. "I am going to get ready for bed," he
said.

"Yes, Sir. I have been instructed to stay with you until relieved."

Kirk nodded that he understood and laid out a t-shirt and boxers
before stripping and changing into them without ceremony. He then
walked to the head and after a moment's hesitation, left the door open
while he finished getting ready for sleep.

When he came out again, Chapel stood with her eyes lowered, still
leaning against the wall. She met his gaze with what she hoped was a
professional expression as he passed her to reach the bed. Kirk tossed
back the covers and lowered himself gingerly. He shifted once
and then lay still.

Chapel, tired of standing against the wall, pulled over a chair. She
sat, watching the captain sleeping restlessly, considering that bridge
duties could keep Spock busy for quite a while.

It was over two hours later when the door to the room swished open.
She half-expected Dr. McCoy when Mr. Spock stepped into the room.  He
nodded at her and stepped over beside the bed. He observed Kirk for a
long moment before turning to her. "Do you know where Dr. McCoy is?"
he asked quietly.

She rose and stepped over beside him. "He was with the commodore last
time I saw him." She watched Spock frown at that and tried to hide her
surprise at his expression. 

He turned back to the sleeping Kirk and placed his index and middle
finger on Kirk's temple. Chapel's eyes went wide at this casual meld
but she stayed silent. Spock's eyes closed for a long minute before he
broke contact and turned to her. 

"I will stay with him, now. If you can locate and sober up Dr. McCoy,
send him here."

She nodded and with a last glance of the occupant of the bed, departed.

Spock pulled the chair over to sit close beside the bed. Kirk had
calmed since the meld and now lay breathing evenly in deep sleep.

Spock was roused from meditation by a hand plucking at his
sleeve. Kirk looked up at him with such a look of longing, it caused a
strong emotional reaction in the Vulcan. Spock covered Kirk's hand
with his own.

"Jim, it is all right," Spock assured him.

Kirk nodded and stared at the ceiling. After a few minutes, he said, "I
couldn't find anyone. I thought I'd be left alone there forever." He fell
silent. 

"It was not real. This is real: this ship, my hand."

Kirk nodded again. "Thank you," he said simply, "for being here."

"I would be no where else, Captain."

Kirk let out a breath like the start of a laugh. "I don't know what I
did to deserve you," he said, the end choked off unnaturally. His eyes
watched something behind the bulkhead. Spock could imagine what it
was.

The door chimed. Spock stood and let McCoy in. "I just shook
Welsey. Boy that man can put it away." He walked into the sleeping
alcove and took out his scanner. "Chapel said something about you
gettin' tortured." He sat on the edge of the bed and waved it over
Kirk's chest.

"You could describe it that way."

McCoy glanced at the end of the Feinberger then put it back on his
belt. "You want to talk about it?"

"In the morning," Kirk pleaded.

McCoy looked him up and down. "All right. In the morning." He looked
up at Spock, hovering close. "You stayin' with him?" At Spock's nod,
McCoy stood up. "Unless you want us both to stay?"

"One. . . One is enough," Kirk managed.

"Call me if you need me. I'll be in my quarters."

The doors swished closed and Spock resumed his seat on the edge of the
bed. At Kirk's sudden shifting under the covers, he put his hand on
Kirk's chest.

"I'm in a constant state of panic," Kirk said. "I don't know how to
shake it."

"Jim," Spock said calmingly.

"Do something unexpected," Kirk insisted suddenly.

Spock's eyebrows went into his bangs. "Captain, I. . ."

"Spock," Kirk chastised him. "It isn't that hard." Spock bent over him
and reached for the meld points on Kirk's face. "That isn't very
unexpected," Kirk pointed out. This close view of Spock was novel
though, and Kirk relished it a long moment, watching one fine eyebrow
angle upward as their minds brushed together. Kirk felt a hard shield
come up between their minds and then Spock leaned forward and kissed
him softly on the lips. Kirk's mind rang like a gong in surprise at the
warm, bitter mouth on his.

Spock pulled back, extricating their thoughts. 

"That was unexpected." Kirk sat up on his elbows and studied his friend.
He lifted his chin. "Do that again," he challenged.

Spock shot him a look, "You will be expecting it this time, I believe."

Kirk smiled slyly, looking much more like himself. "I promise I won't."

"You should sleep, Jim. Let your mind organize what has transpired
through dreams."

"Oh, that will be pleasant."

"When you wake up, I will be here. Your ship will be here," Spock
intoned with a calming certainty.

Kirk relented and rested back on the pillow. Spock lowered the lights
to dim and adjusted the chair beside the bed.

"You are just going to sit there?  All night?" Kirk asked.

"Indeed. I will meditate lightly while you sleep."

"It is a little strange having you here while I'm trying to sleep,"
Kirk commented. "I am feeling a little better," he added after a long
silence. "Must have been that kiss." Another pause in the
dimness. "Sure you don't want to try again?"

"Sleep, Captain," Spock said in his richest, deepest voice.

Mesmerized, Kirk asked groggily with a hint of hurt to his voice, "You
were just teasing me?"

Kirk heard Spock sigh behind the darkness of his eyelids. Featherlight,
the warm, silky lips touched his again. "No Jim, I was not."

--------------------------------